I was just thinking how things have been going along lately – no highs or lows, just going along. And I like it that way. There’s more peace in it. It means that my bipolar disorder is stable, and that means everything to me.
I still remember when it wasn’t that way. I remember when I used to be angry all the time. Of course, that was when I was going in and out of bipolar episodes frequently, too, and my bipolar was out of control. But it seemed like my anger was out of control, too.
I couldn’t figure out where all that anger was coming from, either. It just seemed like I was mad at the world, about everything, all the time. And so much anger! You wouldn’t think that much anger could come out of a little person like me, but it did.
Many people wonder why people with bipolar disorder are so angry all the time. I know that even my mom in this latest episode when she was in the hospital was really angry, too. She even growled at my husband one day when we were visiting her! Of course, she wasn’t rational at the time, but still… we hadn’t done anything to make her mad, she just was. Part of it was that she was mad that she was stuck in the hospital, which was understandable. So I think part of the reason that people with bipolar disorder are so angry is the lack of control issue, which is a big issue for them. Bipolar takes away alot of their control. Until you learn to manage it, it sort of manages you, which is when things are out of control for you. And that can make you really angry.
Another thing about the control issue is that you tend to want to control other people, and get mad when they don’t do what you want them to do. That’s why there’s a lot of fighting in bipolar relationships and marriages. It takes a while (and a lot of therapy) to learn to let other people just be who they are and not to try to control them, learning that you are really the only person over which you have any control.
The biggest reason I think people with bipolar disorder get angry is over the very fact that they have the disorder to begin with, and can’t do anything about that, as there is no cure for it. It’s hard to accept the fact that you’re going to have this thing forever, this thing that you hate, this thing that you don’t think (at first) that you can control. It’s only after you learn to manage it (control it) that you begin to accept it, and that’s when your anger against it gets a little better.
You can’t stay mad forever. It’ll only eat away at you. It’ll just give you more stress than you need and can handle. You need to get rid of that stress, so you need to get rid of your anger. If you’re angry at a specific person, you need to forgive them. Not necessarily what they did to you, but you need to forgive them. Then gradually the pain will fade, as will the anger associated with it. Try to get rid of as much anger as you can, and try not to take on any more. It’s bad for your emotional health.