A friend of mine was just posting about how it’s been a year that she’s been struggling with this physical problem that she has, and she quoted from the Psalms, where it talks about, “You turned my mourning into dancing…” and I was just thinking how accurately that describes what the Lord did for me with my bipolar disorder .
I used to be so depressed, ALL the time… there was just never a break from it – no air to breathe, I could just never get away from the enormity of it, it so overwhelmed me.
There’s a commercial for Abilify that’s out now that shows depression as an umbrella that’s over the woman’s head, and that’s how my depression was for me, too. Like an umbrella that would just never go away. It colored everything I did (or tried to do, usually unsuccessfully), everything around me, my whole world. I saw everything in light of the depression. And it seemed like it would never go away.
It was like a miracle when they found a medication that finally worked for me and the depression lifted. It was like this heavy blanket was finally lifted off me that had been on me for so long, and I was free. I truly did feel like dancing!
If you’ve suffered from bipolar depressive episodes but then have enjoyed normal periods, then you know what I’m talking about. The feeling of freedom is incredible, isn’t it? Like this huge weight is lifted off you.
These days I am so happy. Oh, not the happy-happy-joy-joy of dancing on the ceiling or anything (I’m sure I’d be manic if I did that!), but just a sure joy that my life is free of the oppressive depression that had me in a vice grip for so many years, a general happiness, a peace in my life that wasn’t there before. Things are just so much better now. This is the color of stability – this is the color of true happiness.