I moved to a new town and state about 10 months ago. I haven 't met any friends and it's been lonely. I have my son, but he's too busy with his own family. I don't have a car so I started to take a taxi. It seems every time I called for a taxi the same guy would show up. I never thought about he and I and never really showed interested. I have told myself I didn't want to have a relationship with someone. I had too much baggage and didn't want to explain my problems so I always kept my distance, or run them off purposely. As time went buy he would start to text me and ask me how I was doing. On a Saturday morning, I called for a cab and guess who showed up? Yes, the cabbie!
We always have a pleasant ride and he always makes me laugh. We got to the beach and he opened my door and got my chair then he turned to me - looked into my eyes - laid a big kiss on me! What a surprised! He does have some sexy eyes. I couldn't say anything I just walked a way.
Then, he came on strong and started inviting his self over. It was on a Saturday when he called and asked if he could come over after work. I freaked out! I lied to him a little and said my family was coming over. Then, I told him I've got to go slow - he had no problem with that. I was going to control the situation, however, being bipolar you have no patience and want that feeling of being loved. For the first time I've shown my strenght not feeling needy.
It's been about a month now since we've been communicating. We talked just about every day and if in the area and not too busy he will drop by. The kisses and hugs or getting more intense making my stomach real nervous. I ask myself -"When is it a relationship?"
I wasn't sure if I should of told him, but told him I had bipolar. Why did I tell him that? I expected silence, but there wasn't instead he told me he knew about bipolar. I thought I would never hear from him. Deep down I was hoping he would and the men usually do - that's a problem I have.
I've always felt I would be alone for ever. "No man would ever want me with my bipolar and other problems." Those were the words of my x-husband as well. So far he hasn't left. We've just gone very slowly. I feel stronger and in control some how. I try and keep my manic under control since that's when I say things I shouldn't and don't mean them. Words just come flying out of mouth. He's still here - we haven't gone and held hands or anything. We just smooch and hug. Plus, we haven't gone on any dates. I do ask myself why. I get in that bipolar mood and say, "He doesn't really care, or "he's just not into me." I try and keep my mouth shut!