I make jewelry. Or, at least I did. I've been buying beads and findings so I can go home and set up to make my jewelry. The problem is my creative juices are gone. I use to be able to sit in front of a bead tray and work up a storm. Now, there's nothing.
I was told that most bipolar people are creative. It seems that my creative focus has turned to writing. My mind is constantly running with voices instead of visions. Let's take that back. I see a pattern. I just can't make it. I'm not sure if it's because I don't have the right materials or I just can't fit the puzzle in the right place.
That's my name for it - building a puzzle. I'll sit in front of the bead tray moving pieces around until I feel that it fits. That's the problem. My puzzles pieces don't fit together.
I tried making a necklace last night. I had some of the pieces together, but I couldn't finish it. I couldn't find anything that I liked. I've become a perfectionist. I don't want to just make a piece of jewelry. I want to make a great piece so why make it.
Another problem, I've had lately is focusing. I can't focus on reading. I can't say that - I've actually had it for a long time - I'm just noticing more. I use to love to read romance books, and now, I can't even make it through a couple pages. Even then, I couldn't tell you what those two pages said.
Before I started taking medication my mine was running everywhere. Trying to do so many things at the same time. I couldn't do anything, but drink. I would get so manic that I would have to drink to make the voices go away. There were so many of them.
Then, I admitted to myself that I have a problem. Now, I'm taking Lithium after trying out some other medications and it seems to work for me. No crazy voices. Hopefully, the pieces of the puzzle will come to me soon. I’m not chalking it off. I'm going to keep trying until I get it right. Then, I will feel really great. If I sell the necklace I will be on top of the hill.