Today is a better day than yesterday, I spent most of yesterday in bed and crying and wishing I was dead. But not having the energy to get up and do anything about it. There is nobody to talk too and when I do try to talk, people look at me like I am from another planet. And then there are the people that tell you that everybody feels that way at some time or another and I need to pick myself up and start going to church and get my life together.
No! Not everyone feels this way. If they did they would be spending endless days in bed or at the top of a moutain and being miserable during each time. They would see that they would never be ant relief from the life they deal with daily and it is a constant battle to stay alive. I have been to church, I haven't found any relief there.
Then being the lucky person that I am, I have been diagnosised with CMT. A rare but family related disease that can be passed down from a parent to their child and it goes on and on. I have passed it on to my daughter and only time will tell if myson will have it. This is a disease that effects the nerves and bones around your feet ,legs, arms and hand and fingers. Over time you lose use of these organs and depression is another symptom of this disorder. Double whammy! I know that if I ever confide in others they will tell me to get my life together and move on but the truth is everytime I start picking up the pieces they start falling apart again.
I have been thinkung about going to the hospital to have my meds tweaked up because I know something is seriously wrong. But righ now I am fighting it.