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Being Selfish. Or Trying?

Posted Jul 29 2008 12:00am

Last night I (hopefully lovingly?) told everyone to just calm down and take care of themselves! For the love of Zeus!

As my evening went on, things became such a veritable disaster I had a mega-meltdown! Even the person I had agreed to meet for dinner completely lost it! As a result from my total spaz-out, I have been the most non-functional piece of garbage all bloody day.  And it is not the alcohol I consumed.  No, that was just a way to try and help me to deal!

It’s stress.  I can feel it coursing through every part of my body right now.  I am feeling so extremely awful.  I have not felt this bad…well, maybe since I initially lost my job but definitely since I went into hospital last year.

*PA pauses*

Just having that resonate is extremely ugly.  It makes me want to go completely spastic even more! Bless you my lovely “Researcher” for bringing me somewhere remotely close to this planet of ours; both last night and tonight.  You are awesome.

So now it’s my turn.  I am not, nor have I ever been, very good at taking my own advice.  Start with reading your own post from last night, PA.  That is not to say I’m going all “suicidal” or ready to cut.  No.  It is quite simply the fact that my stress levels have reached an unbelievable level.  I have no choice but to recognise this as it’s being forced in my face, rammed down my throat, shoved up my ass…let’s just keep filling up every other goddamn orifice too, shall we?

However, at this point I think it is fair to make an admission? I may sound all quite fine and dandy on my blog a lot of the time but I may not be.  Now, I most certainly am not!

At this time, I need to take a big, fucking “Time Out” myself! I need to “turn things off,” “shut things down” for if I don’t…I fear a descent into hell (or the current one) will become a “hell” of a lot quicker.

So that’s it.  I need to take some time for myself (…try really hard to…not something I do very well…)  But it’s absolutely necessary.

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