In his book "The Explosive Child", Dr. Greene makes his case for baskets:
Basket A - Issues for which you are willing to induce a meltdown over.
Basket B - Issues that will be negotiated, in a "user-friendly" environment.
Basket C - Issues that will no longer be considered important enough to deal with.
The good doctor suggests that the only thing that belongs in Basket A is safety. For me, safety includes hurting himself, hurting others, destroying property, and taking the medication. Many parents feel that school belongs in Basket A as well, but I'm not one of them. Until Rob can get some prescription assistance, school will be in Basket C.
Basket C also includes swearing, arguing, smoking, sleeping, when & what he eats, socializing, cleanliness (not personal hygiene, Rob is fastidious in that regard), taking care of the dog, contributing to family (house/yard work, dinner), etc....
Basket B - driving, job, school (later), curfew, and whatever the hell else comes up every day that's worth negotiating.
Basket B is tough. The whole "user-friendly environment" is tough. As well as I know my son, I don't always know what is going to set him off. Rob goes from 0 to 60 in a split second. Tools at my disposal include delay, distraction, empathy, invitation to compromise.
Unwittingly, I have employed this basket system for years. Granted, the baskets used to be distributed differently, but they were there. But my Basket B skills were sorely lacking. If you don't understand that your child's misbehavior is really inappropriate reactions, and you don't understand the mechanics of his reactions, it's really hard to use Basket B tools effectively. I'm learning. I look forward to the day when Rob can use his own set of tools and not have to borrow mine.
Rob's doing well. Manic, but a productive mania. It is becoming apparent that there are longer stretches between the mania and the depressive crash. I'm staying alert. Girlfriend was over again yesterday. Girlfriend is in Basket B. She may be worthy of Basket A, I'll keep my options open.
In his book "The Explosive Child", Dr. Greene makes his case for baskets:
Basket A - Issues for which you are willing to induce a meltdown over.
Basket B - Issues that will be negotiated, in a "user-friendly" environment.
Basket C - Issues that will no longer be considered important enough to deal with.
The good doctor suggests that the only thing that belongs in Basket A is safety. For me, safety includes hurting himself, hurting others, destroying property, and taking the medication. Many parents feel that school belongs in Basket A as well, but I'm not one of them. Until Rob can get some prescription assistance, school will be in Basket C.
Basket C also includes swearing, arguing, smoking, sleeping, when & what he eats, socializing, cleanliness (not personal hygiene, Rob is fastidious in that regard), taking care of the dog, contributing to family (house/yard work, dinner), etc....
Basket B - driving, job, school (later), curfew, and whatever the hell else comes up every day that's worth negotiating.
Basket B is tough. The whole "user-friendly environment" is tough. As well as I know my son, I don't always know what is going to set him off. Rob goes from 0 to 60 in a split second. Tools at my disposal include delay, distraction, empathy, invitation to compromise.
Unwittingly, I have employed this basket system for years. Granted, the baskets used to be distributed differently, but they were there. But my Basket B skills were sorely lacking. If you don't understand that your child's misbehavior is really inappropriate reactions, and you don't understand the mechanics of his reactions, it's really hard to use Basket B tools effectively. I'm learning. I look forward to the day when Rob can use his own set of tools and not have to borrow mine.
Rob's doing well. Manic, but a productive mania. It is becoming apparent that there are longer stretches between the mania and the depressive crash. I'm staying alert. Girlfriend was over again yesterday. Girlfriend is in Basket B. She may be worthy of Basket A, I'll keep my options open.