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Back in the Saddle but Will I Fall Off the Horse?

Posted May 28 2010 12:00am

Starting new course tomorrow at school.  Can barely get out of bed and move now.  Can’t think at all.  Can this or will this “force” me to think? Somehow get me going(?) That would be good.

I can’t go on much longer like this.  Any choice? No.  I can’t control my brain.  I can’t control life.  I wonder what’s going to happen in the near future? I’m kind of laughing.  Just how much more can I take? I’m already pretty, fucking far gone! HA! Oh, shit.  Goddamn, bloody hell! I am seriously losing it! *laughing*

It’s not funny, really.  I was amazed I could speak in a relatively, coherent fashion on the phone today.

Logic and reason can only take you so far.  I can see the logic and reason but I can’t grasp it.  Because I think I can see some of the “illogical,” too.  Yes? And it makes sense.  So, the “illogical” becomes the logical! Why, then, if it all “makes sense,” am I so messed up?

Because not everything in life is logical.  No, the vast majority of it isn’t.  Sorry, Spock.  I want ya, I need ya, but this time…

Also, please note that this has been written under the heavy influence of Valium and Gravol.  I don’t believe I’ve reached the point of self-medication yet.  No, seriously.  Well, maybe ease up on the Gravol? I don’t know.  I’m too much of a wreck so maybe I do need it! And tummy is not happy! *nods*

Maybe my life is getting closer to becoming that nuclear wasteland after all.  I’d mentioned that a couple of days ago.  I’d actually really like that to happen.  I thought I’d been to the brink and back before.  Perhaps, I was only doing some warm ups.

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