I posted this in my other blog a day or two OK. But, I got to thinking how you all could use a good laugh. And, I’ve never minded a laugh at my expense as long as it’s a real, good, deep bellylaugh. So, I decided to repost it here to give my friends a giggle or two. And, YES, I really did this…..UM
Where is Ehtel when I need her?
FYI….I can also do this trick with my tongue. DO NOT get excited,WN!
Just another mundane Monday. Until I superglued my tongue on accident. Of course, it was an accident. What idiot would purposely put superglue on their tongue?????
I decided to try once again to attack my Haven of Hoarding and toss, organize, repair, etc. some of my many precious treasures. Like the broken dentures that I offered to any of you who need them on a post before. Or, the stacks of dozens of T-shirts with slogans like “Cap’s Crab Citchen” or “I’m With Stupid” with the arrow pointing up and so forth. And, then there are the boxes of toys that I keep meaning to surrender to Toys for Tots but forget to.
After much debating with myself, I decided to do something easy like glue some beads back on some bracelets that I might give away to some winos up town. Just can’t bedazzle those drunks enough. I think that it might be good for their self-esteem to have some bling-bling on their wrists while tipping the bottle. I came across a rather pretty bangle bracelets with two stones missing. Luckily, I had kept the stones in a baggie taped to the bracelet! I’m so Martha Stewartish!!!! So, a trip downstairs to the kitchen junk drawer (where I found some other handy items like one rubber glove and 2 empty tape dispensers), and back up the stairs I ran slowly walked to fix the bracelet. And here’s what happened….
I bought a handy tube of superglue that comes out a pointed tip when you squeeze it. Except, I squeezed it and squeezed it and didn’t see even a drop come out. I kept squeezing and of course, a lot came out. So much came out, that when I put the stone in, it slid around. Not wanting to touch the glue, I got a paper clip and eased the stone into the setting which worked. Except, there was so much glue that it was running down the side of the paper clip and onto my hand.
Of course, I didn’t want the superglue on my hand because I’ve had incidents with superglue and fingers before. I’ve had escapades of gluing my fingers together. OUCH! It sure as hell hurts pulling your fingers apart and leaving the skin of one finger on another finger. So, being the MENSA (maybe, that’s menstrual) brainiac that I am, I hurriedly licked the glue off my finger. Just as I was congratulating myself for avoiding blistered fingers again, I realized that the superglue was now on my tongue.
Oh, Theeze! Thwat thdo I thdo thnow? Rinse it off…..duh!!!! Of course, drink a bunch of liquid. Don’t panic! DO NOT PANIC!!!!! So, I ran over and gulped down a big drink of Pepsi. Oh, did I mention that I like to freeze Pepsi and drink it like an Icee? That Pepsi sure tasted declicious! But, I did NOT count on the Pepsi/Ice freezing the superglue on my tongue, thereby created a hard mass of glue on tongue. Oh great….now I’ve got what looks like a frozen mass of herpes or tumor on my tongue.
Then, but of course, the damn phone rang. I looked at the caller ID to make sure that it wasn’t an important call. Oh shit! It was my eye doctor’s office. I had been trying to get in touch with them for over a week. I had left messages….at first nice ones, then rather chilly ones, and finally threatening ones. Ya see, my eye doctor had his license suspended three months after he did my laser eye surgery. Seems he was a druggie. A druggie that did surgery on my eyeballs! I had no choice but to answer the call.
” This is Doctor A****** office returning your call”.
“Oh. I thneed an thappointment bethause my theyes are rethervting bthact to the thway they thwere”.
“Excuse me? I’m sorry. I couldn’t understand what you were saying”.
Great! Friggin great! I’m trying to tell them that I think I’m going blind and I sound like a drunk wino (wearing a lovely bracelet).
What could I do? I hung up. More important things to worry about right now…..like the fact that my tongue felt like it had a huge chunk of concrete on it.
Whattodowhattodowhattodo? Loofa…..yeah, loofa or buff puff pad. I hurriedly went downstairs to my bathroom and grabbed a buff puff pad. For you guys out there, a buff puff pad looks like a scouring brush for midget size car tires. I set about scouring my tongue……really hard! AHA! The glue seemed to be coming off. Along with tongue skin. But finally, I made enough progress that only a dime size piece of glue was left and I figured that it would sooner or later wear off with eating and drinking.
However, I overlooked one thing……my tongue is red and swollen in the glue-removed spot. Damn, I still gotta call the eye doctor back. I’m j