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aglimpse of yesterday [part 2]

Posted Feb 17 2010 10:35am
I not only suffer from bi-polar disorder but post traumatic stress disorder.  But sometimes it hard to see where one begins and the other stops, I am awakened by nightmares every night, but I was before I had pstd.  Memories of my childhood cloud my brain and mix with the torment of the bi-polar disorder.  Out of nowhere I see visions of blood running down my fathers and mothers faces and hear the screaming and ranting of my mother's voice.  I see my mother throwing my father's shoes out in the yard [knowing polio had taken away his ability to walk without them] and daring us to get them.  I remember lying in bed nightly and wondering, will this be a night that will be unterrupted by my mothers insanity or which one of us will be her victim for the night.  Will I wake up to find a gun pointed to my father's head?  Or will I be ran out into the woods in the middle of the night?  Maybe I will be awakened from the sound of her beating my 8 month old sister because she bit her while breast feeding?  Is this where my bi-polar insanity came from?
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