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About My Symptoms and Things I Can't Seem to Control

Posted Feb 21 2010 9:53pm
1.Racing thoughts (especially at night), about everything from did i remember to pay that bill to how i will die
2. Uncontrollable behavior, so many of you think I do these things on purpose, but my god I at times wish could get a grip. Examples: Barking, yelling, pinching, poking, hitting, crying, chattering, singing, laughing, spending, obsessing, compulsionary actions, running my mouth without control(if i don't do these things i am in literal physical pain, my stomach starts to hurt or my head or both, sometimes i even feel like i am going to throw up if i don't, or the thoughts wont go away and i am unable to concentrate on anything else, the noises and yelling make me feel almost euphoric) I know how dumb it sounds really i do.
3. Paranoia, I feel like everyone is judging me, looking at me, talking about me, like i am always making the wrong decisions, like someone is following me, like people are mad even when i have done nothing wrong, like something bad is going to happen all the time, trust issues
4. Fear, death (in all forms accidents, animals, illnesses, medicine etc) 
5. Sleep deprivation, I lie awake all hours of the night...a lot of times because of a compulsionary activity I "need" to do or because of racing thoughts
6.Worry(see numbers 1, 3, 4)
7. Crying, feeling hopeless for many reasons and sometimes nothing at all
8. Shopping, I spend and I feel happy again even euphoric
9. Clingy (see numbers 3, 4, 6)
10. Confrontational, over little things (but inside me they feel huge, important, and like im going to explode if i dont say something about it) 
11. Can never make up my mind (constant uncertainty, regret, flip floppy)
12. Very analytical (overly analytical)
13. Anxious ( i have no patience. i rush) 
14. Make plans or dreams or goals and never keep them going
15. Hyper (uncontrollably happy, excited, bouncing off the walls, life high, extremely loud and obnoxious)
16. I forget and lose everything! 
there are more i just need to think on it some more but this gives you some idea to the inner most feelings i have and to my crazy personality.
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