I have been sleep walking again. I wrote this post a couple of days ago and mentioned this in the post:
Yesterday I woke up to find two bread rolls sliced open, there were the crumbs on the chopping board but given by the trail of crumbs it would seem I changed my mind and gave them to the dog (who didn’t want them either and just left them lying on the floor) – when I woke up I had my house phone/landline lying next to me…. I never use my house phone… there is no caller id… it’s far too freaky. But I had it cradled in next to me when I woke up and it usually lives in the kitchen. This shows how long it’s been since I used it – my ex who I have now been split up from for almost 3 years, well I still have his parents on speed dial, and yes it would seem I called them around the 6.30am mark as the call had been running for 2 hours 23 mins when I woke up. I hope they didn’t keep my number or they will be pissed off with me. Finally, I moved my bed…. well the duvet… to a corner of the room and curled up there with the dogs in next to me. Oh and there was a bite out a snickers bar as well.
Then this morning a friend was ringing my phone, it clear as day woke me up and I picked it up, saw who it was and went to answer but it had stopped ringing by then. So I went to the loo then came back and checked my call log and there was no call from her and when I text her she said she hadn’t called me and that’s just another thing playing silly games with my head.
Well last night I woke up to find myself in the bathroom. I was locked in and the lock was missing. I immediately went into panic mode, I was confused, disorientated and frightened. The thing you turn to unlock the door was gone and I could not get out. I never usually even close the door when I go for a pee (sorry TMI) the only time I close it is when I have people round. The only time I lock it is if I have people staying over and I want that extra reassured privacy when I go for a shower. Anyway. For some reason I had locked the toilet door and could not find the lock part anywhere, I found a pair of tweezers and attempted to turn the lock that way but no joy.
So I resorted to smashing all of the glass out of the door. I half remember holding a towel over it and banging it as hard as I could with a shaving gel can and I remember glass going everywhere both inside and outside the bathroom. The problem is that I have very high ceilings and my doors are at least six feet tall. The glass panel started about four foot up and is only about two or three feet in size. I am only 5ft 4″ and have very short legs. I remember there being nothing to stand on so taking the chance of using the sink to balance on then one foot out, kinda dangling as I sat in a straddled position (very very sore) and somehow falling out the other side onto the pile of glass, cutting my feet as I fell.
I phoned the housing association this morning and they were really good. They sent the tenant support worker round and we had a chat about what had happened and we also had a chat about me wanting to move somewhere with a little garden for the dogs, especially for when my moods change really fast and I hit the horrible lows. She took a note of my social worker’s number and said she would call her and see if there is any way they could speed up the process. I was going to wait it out until the new year when all the new gas central heating and new kitchen’s are fitted but really I need out of here. I love this flat and I mean I love it, but more and more I am unsafe at night and I could really use a small spare room or bigger living room so that I have a place where someone staying over could sleep.
For now I’m waiting on the joiner coming back to take away all the broken glass and the glazier is coming round tomorrow to replace it. I’m hoping my social worker has managed to get me an appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow because I know I need some sort of medication but amisulpride isn’t it. That’s five days I haven’t taken it for now and I’m still restless as fuck. I’m still taking my Lamotrigine and Citalopram but I want to either try Olanzapine (Zyprexa) or Aripiprazole (Abilify) next, having read up on them, either of them seem like a sensible move.
Any experience of either for calming the voices down anyone?