My head is pickled. I have no money at all and i mean none. I constantly hear baby cries. I asked to speak to a nurse yesterday because i was in such a mess. I told her i need to be with my baby again. She very bluntly said “your baby is dead”. That just upset me even more. She said to me that even if i die i won’t be with him again. How the fuck does she know? I phoned my mum last night. Mum has decided tough love is now the answer. “I’ve tried for a year to be supportive, I’ve tried to help you, the nurse is right the baby is dead and its time to move on” she said. The baby? That is her one and only grandchild she has. She then said that her and my dad fully know im going to kill myself and whilst they love me they know they can’t stop me. I cried down the phone for the whole conversation. My baby is dead. I’ve just to deal with it. I hate this place and all i can think about is going to find somewhere i can hang myself. I’ve already tried to strangle myself and taken an overdose since coming in here on Monday i need out i need a walk i need to go and throw myself off something high or under a car. I need to be with my baby and that is the end of it. They can all go fuck themselves none of them will ever understand.