We have a steady routine on school mornings. I get up before the kids so that I can at least drink a half gallon or so of coffee before waking them. Because, once they are awake, I have to be on my toes. I never know what the mood of any of them is going to be like-so I want to be alert-ready to fend off any hitch in our very well structured morning routine. We also only have one bathroom. One bathroom for six people. We have been trying to put in another-but we seem to be thwarted at every turn. We just don't have very good bathroom Karma . From potty training to flushing Thomas and his cheeky friends..we must have gone through at least eight toilets so far. Sadly, I am not exaggerating. There have been many nights spent standing in ankle deep....water-hopping from foot to foot..hoping that we can get it to work with a hammer some craft glue and tape. Oh we have learned to be prepared-the hard way. We now keep a spare toilet in the garage. It's right next to the power tools and lawn mower.
Every morning after they have eaten breakfast, they sit and watch television until the bus comes. We have about fifteen minutes before PBS starts broadcasting children's shows. So I usually make them watch Yoga...until "Arthur" comes on. This is probably one of the only children's shows that I can bear watching. Even though I do take issue with an aardvark having a dog as a pet. What is it with that? Oh you don't want to get me started on children's programming..Has anyone ever watched "Clifford the Big Red Dog"? Does anyone notice that his family lives on a small island-an island! Where does a gigantic dog, the size of a small building- poop? How does this family whose only source of income comes from selling things made of sea shells afford to feed a dog of that size? Not only that-they have a big house with more than one bathroom! On the ocean!. sigh...It's sad when you start questioning cartoon characters..worse when you are envious..but I digress..As I was saying, our mornings are pretty calm. We have a rhythm a routine- it works.
So there we were on Friday morning....We were running a few minutes late..Sammy was still in the bathroom...when Oscar started singing the cow song. Now this is totally my fault. Oscar, being the computer whiz that he is, finds the most interesting (but not always appropriate) things to watch. He loves Youtube. We try and monitor him with this..but sometimes..well..lets just say "Punching Barney" isn't what I want him viewing-no matter how much I might agree with the sentiment. So, I try and find more appropriate things that we both will find amusing. Because, if Oscar likes it-he will repeat it over and over.....and over. That's why I showed him the cow video...sigh..What was I thinking?
Me- "Alright..does everyone have their stuff? Sammy hurry up..the bus is gonna be here in a few minutes"
Oscar-"I am cow..I am cow..."
Sammy-"I'll be done in a minute.."
Oscar-"Hear me moo...moo...moo..."
Oscar-"mama?...Cow..cow...Mama? I need to go into the bathroom."
Me-"O.K....Sammy hurry up, Oscar needs to get in there.."
Oscar-" I eat grass..gas comes....Mama..I WANT to go in the bathroom NOW...you said I can say things in the bathroom.."
It's true..I did..Oscar sometimes has this great need to yell certain things out..we are trying to teach him that not everything is acceptable in public.. trying to give him a private place..a place to go when the URGE overwhelms him...The bathroom is that place. Only on Friday morning the one bathroom was occupied and Oscar really really wanted to express himself...and we really needed him to do this BEFORE school.
Oscar-"Mama..do you want to hear how I sing the cow hahahahaha song?"
Me-"Sammy...you really need to get out of there now!.."
Sammy"But I'm not done yet!"
Oscar-"The gas comes out my AA...hahahahahaha..
Oscar-"That's not it...Mama?...The gas comes out my...heehee..Mama?...Can I say it..haha..Mama?"
Me-"You can't hold it?"
Oscar-"I'm trying!! ..haha...haha..The gas comes out..HAHAHAHAHAHAH! "
Oscar-"I eat GRASS..hahaha and GAS comes out my..hahahaha...MY HINEY! HAHAHAHA!!"
He tricked me! He had me thinking that he was going to say something else..that little weasel really had me going! I thought "Wow-he's really getting it-getting that certain words should not be yelled at the top of ones lungs." For the next ten minutes or so he sang parts of the cow song...looking at me when it came to "that" part..laughing away..until he got to the line "Milk and cheese and butter made with liquid from my....Mama?...He's peeing milk." "No Oscar...it is an UDDER..it is a girl..you get milk from GIRL cows..from their UDDERS."..."But Mama..it looks like a PE.. hahahahaha...""Oscar it is an UDDER!"....""O.k. Mama..but it looks...""Oscar."..As the bus pulled up and the kids were going out the door..Oscar started singing.."Made with liquid from MY.." he gave me this big smile..a hug and kiss...and ran on to the bus...
And so another week has come to a close. Our first full week of school since it started. I think we are all doing o.k. And although I am still desperately hoping for a second bathroom-We seem to be doing just fine without it.