That title sounds all doom and gloom, doesn't it? Makes one think I'm going to post about how Autism has devastated my life, left my son "soulless" and "sucked the marrow out of my family". Well, think again. This post isn't about any of that. And for anybody who comes across this and thinks it is you can be on your merry way because all this is going to do is disappoint you.
This entry is about the wonderful daughter I have and the relationship she has with her younger brother.
*note I'm going to refer to her as "Y" now, which is the first letter in her nickname, since it'll make things easier to understand.*Y is three years older than
J. Ever since I brought
J home from the hospital
Y has been a fantastic big sister. She's been loving and caring and patient and understanding with him and fiercely and even viciously protective.
She's 13 now (which makes
J 10) and I can remember one time, about four years ago, her verbally ripping apart an older and much taller girl for saying something mean about
J. I remember hearing this yelling from my deck and when I went out to see what was happening the girl was apologizing for what she said. The lesson learned - don't mess with
J's older sister, she'll rip you apart if you even
think about hurting her little brother in any way.
Y has always been this way when it comes to
J. She'll protect him no matter what if she feels he can't protect himself. She'll help him in any way she can too. She wants to see him be successful in his life just as much as I do.
One thing I know she's concerned about is him beginning middle school next year. She'll be going into her first year of high school (9th grade) while
J will be starting 6th grade. She's already planning on going over at the end of the day after the high school lets out to check up on him. The high school is two blocks away and lets out a half hour before the middle school does. She plans on going over and making sure he's transitioning well into his new daily routine. She's also asked some friends, who will still be at the middle school, to keep an eye on him throughout the day since she won't be able to. These friends have agreed. There's still a whole year to go before
J starts middle school but
Y is already looking at what she can do to help him.
This is what Autism does to a person.
Y and
J were in the same elementary for a few years. Like I mentioned in the previous post the elementary has a wonderful Autism program that's really integrated into the school. Having the program there really helped
Y help her classmates understand her relationship with
J. Every time
Y and
J would see each other they'd say hi or give a hug. Her classmates thought her relationship with him was so sweet. A few also learned the hard way how protective she is. They said the wrong thing and ended up with one hell of a tongue-lashing.
That all changed, though, when she got into middle school. She found out none of the new friends she made had ever heard of Autism. This surprised and angered her, especially since it's such a huge part of her life and had come from a school that it was a huge part of the setting. Needless to say, she proceeded to teach her friends about it: explaining what the disability is and the behaviors that go with it, how it's been a part of her life ever since
J was a baby, how she's not ashamed or embarrassed by him or that he's made her life a living hell or nightmare, and how she loves him very much and sees nothing wrong with how he is. As a result, she educated all of her friends and they've come to have an understanding, and I can say acceptance, about Autism. They've all met
J too and they all like him. In fact, I know any of them would be there to protect him if need be if
Y couldn't and if
J ever needed it. She's taught her friends that Autism is something that can be celebrated not looked at as a death sentence, like some people like to see it.
Y is still teaching people who she becomes friends with or classmates who learn that her brother is autistic. She's told me how some of her classmates' reactions when someone finds out
J is autistic is to tell her how sad that is or say they feel sorry for her or how hard it must be for her to have an autistic brother. All of these comments make her furious and she's always real quick to "enlighten them", as she puts it, on their error of judgment and assumption. She makes it real clear how in our household we celebrate
J's Autism, not mourn over it.
This is what Autism does to a person.
Y has also proven to be a good friend or even just great acquaintance to other auties when her peers don't. I can remember one time she was invited to a girl's birthday party. I'll call her Marni since I don't want to use her real name. Marni wasn't quite a friend of
Y's, more of an acquaintance but
Y would say hi to her in the halls or talked to her whenever the opportunity presented itself. (I should mention that
Y's middle school has the district's Autism program carried over from the elementary.) So, when she got invited to Marni's party
Y went. ...She was the only one invited who showed up. This made me cry tears of anger for Marni when I found out and it made
Y think real badly of her classmates, especially the others who were invited and didn't come. It also made
Y do her best to make sure Marni had the best day ever. That was over a year ago and while
Y and Marni are still really nothing more than acquaintances - Marni has a group of friends she hangs out with now and
Y has hers - they still say hi to each other and talk whenever they can.
Y sees past Marni's disability and sees the kind person she is.
Y sees past the disability of all the auties in her grade and has classes with. Some she talks to, others there's never an opportunity. But she would if it was there.
Y wishes more of her peers were like this; she wishes more were more accepting and understanding. At least she knows her friends are because of the education she's given them. And she feels it's her responsibility to keep on teaching her peers.
See, this is what Autism does to a person.
This entry is about the wonderful daughter I have and the relationship she has with her younger brother. *note I'm going to refer to her as "Y" now, which is the first letter in her nickname, since it'll make things easier to understand.*Y is three years older than J. Ever since I brought J home from the hospital Y has been a fantastic big sister. She's been loving and caring and patient and understanding with him and fiercely and even viciously protective.
She's 13 now (which makes J 10) and I can remember one time, about four years ago, her verbally ripping apart an older and much taller girl for saying something mean about J. I remember hearing this yelling from my deck and when I went out to see what was happening the girl was apologizing for what she said. The lesson learned - don't mess with J's older sister, she'll rip you apart if you even think about hurting her little brother in any way.
Y has always been this way when it comes to J. She'll protect him no matter what if she feels he can't protect himself. She'll help him in any way she can too. She wants to see him be successful in his life just as much as I do.
One thing I know she's concerned about is him beginning middle school next year. She'll be going into her first year of high school (9th grade) while J will be starting 6th grade. She's already planning on going over at the end of the day after the high school lets out to check up on him. The high school is two blocks away and lets out a half hour before the middle school does. She plans on going over and making sure he's transitioning well into his new daily routine. She's also asked some friends, who will still be at the middle school, to keep an eye on him throughout the day since she won't be able to. These friends have agreed. There's still a whole year to go before J starts middle school but Y is already looking at what she can do to help him.
This is what Autism does to a person.
Y and J were in the same elementary for a few years. Like I mentioned in the previous post the elementary has a wonderful Autism program that's really integrated into the school. Having the program there really helped Y help her classmates understand her relationship with J. Every time Y and J would see each other they'd say hi or give a hug. Her classmates thought her relationship with him was so sweet. A few also learned the hard way how protective she is. They said the wrong thing and ended up with one hell of a tongue-lashing.
That all changed, though, when she got into middle school. She found out none of the new friends she made had ever heard of Autism. This surprised and angered her, especially since it's such a huge part of her life and had come from a school that it was a huge part of the setting. Needless to say, she proceeded to teach her friends about it: explaining what the disability is and the behaviors that go with it, how it's been a part of her life ever since J was a baby, how she's not ashamed or embarrassed by him or that he's made her life a living hell or nightmare, and how she loves him very much and sees nothing wrong with how he is. As a result, she educated all of her friends and they've come to have an understanding, and I can say acceptance, about Autism. They've all met J too and they all like him. In fact, I know any of them would be there to protect him if need be if Y couldn't and if J ever needed it. She's taught her friends that Autism is something that can be celebrated not looked at as a death sentence, like some people like to see it.
Y is still teaching people who she becomes friends with or classmates who learn that her brother is autistic. She's told me how some of her classmates' reactions when someone finds out J is autistic is to tell her how sad that is or say they feel sorry for her or how hard it must be for her to have an autistic brother. All of these comments make her furious and she's always real quick to "enlighten them", as she puts it, on their error of judgment and assumption. She makes it real clear how in our household we celebrate J's Autism, not mourn over it.
This is what Autism does to a person.
Y has also proven to be a good friend or even just great acquaintance to other auties when her peers don't. I can remember one time she was invited to a girl's birthday party. I'll call her Marni since I don't want to use her real name. Marni wasn't quite a friend of Y's, more of an acquaintance but Y would say hi to her in the halls or talked to her whenever the opportunity presented itself. (I should mention that Y's middle school has the district's Autism program carried over from the elementary.) So, when she got invited to Marni's party Y went. ...She was the only one invited who showed up. This made me cry tears of anger for Marni when I found out and it made Y think real badly of her classmates, especially the others who were invited and didn't come. It also made Y do her best to make sure Marni had the best day ever. That was over a year ago and while Y and Marni are still really nothing more than acquaintances - Marni has a group of friends she hangs out with now and Y has hers - they still say hi to each other and talk whenever they can.
Y sees past Marni's disability and sees the kind person she is. Y sees past the disability of all the auties in her grade and has classes with. Some she talks to, others there's never an opportunity. But she would if it was there. Y wishes more of her peers were like this; she wishes more were more accepting and understanding. At least she knows her friends are because of the education she's given them. And she feels it's her responsibility to keep on teaching her peers.
See, this is what Autism does to a person.