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"Smile, though your heart is breaking..."

Posted Mar 04 2010 2:23pm

"Mom, why am I autistic?"

"Mom, why am I different"

"Mom, is Sorcha your favourite because she's not autistic and I am?"

Suddenly the NSLM is much more aware of who and what he is? He has progressed so much in his new school, learnt so much over the past few months but also for the first time in 11 years has started to question us about himself!

Yet, he doesn't really understand what autistic means but he's heard the label so much, discussed so often that he's using it to describe himself.

He does know and understand that he's different and that's heartbreaking because no matter how much you try to explain to him - that different is good, different is special, different is what we all should be - you know he's not really taking it in.

Then, when you're asked if Sorcha is your favourite because she's not autistic and he is .... well, he can't understand that you have no favourites - that both of them are so special.

You try and explain in simple, simple terms that you hope he will take in and understand but then he walks away from you and says to Clive - "I wish you were autistic too Clive - I want you to be like me, Clive!"

So, you smile though your heart is breaking ....
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