Soon after moving into my mother's house, and in a moment of irrationality, I had asked her about the bluebirds.
What about the bluebirds?
What about them?
How will they know I have moved? How will they find me?
Well, I don't have bluebirds here.
And this has been in the back corner of my mind...I think about it when there are no thoughts left to keep me occupied. I wonder if my bluebirds have come back? Are they sitting outside the window of my old house, where I used to write? This is the only time I allow myself to be sad. Those bluebirds meant so much to me, spring after spring, giving me hope and courage to try to continue down a road I shouldn't have taken, and finally left before they could usher me into another false season of my life.
Wednesday I went out to check the mail and thought I saw a glimpse of blue in a tree. I quickly put it out of my mind.
Thursday, I was sitting outside, with the garage door open. My girlfriend and I had been texting throughout the day about a necklace she was going to borrow this weekend for her sister's graduation party. This is one of my girlfriends that helped me move out of my house when I could barely walk. This is my girlfriend that has been going through her own divorce that was finalized last week and starting a brand new life. This is my girlfriend who also has a son that is autistic. She also has two daughters that I love dearly. When we were married, we sometimes went out as couples.
Thursday my friend texted me
I'm at the IEP meeting...call you when done.
She didn't call, instead I received another text that brought me to my knees. Her ex- husband had made the decision to end his life. It was supposed to be his weekend with the children and he would have them starting after school that day.
I called her immediately and gathered what information I could. I put my phone down and glanced up.
There, sitting on the garage door battery, was a bluebird. He cocked his head right and left as he looked at me while I prayed for grace and guidance on how to be the best friend I could in this senseless tragedy. That I could get past my own anger and complete sadness, so I could be there for her and her children. That I could get past the guilt I feel that I never once called or made an attempt to ask him, after papers were filed, to see how he was. Friends take sides in divorces, it is a common fact. And that bluebird stayed there the entire time I prayed, and only when I said Amen, did he fly out the door.
And I knew it was his choice alone. And I knew I had the strength to be the best friend I could.
I then called my other girlfriend (another that came to my moving rescue) and broke the news to her...and from there the girlfriends gathered, bringing all of our gifts of love together to circle one of our own and her children.