I smiled, I laughed, and then I cried. Tears of acceptance through the raw emotion of truth. She came to me, wrapped her arms around me, and the nervous laughter replaced the tears, until tears of her own began to fall, the reality of more raw emotion.
Girlfriends, those women in my life with whom I share intimate and personal stories, the women who dare not lie to me, but bring me freedom in telling the bitter truth, no matter how much it hurts.
My very best friend in life too far away to share the truth of my everyday existence, oh how I miss her. It is in these moments that I recognize how very much distance does matter, how a phone call cannot bring me the same feeling of reality I crave from being within the same space, a personal space. She can no longer wipe away my tears, encompass me in a hug, tell me it will all be okay in the truth of her glance into my eyes. I miss her, my best friend. I miss what we have shared, what brought me the joy of having a best female friend, someone I have come to love more deeply than if I had been given the gift of a sister. She is a treasure to me, but a treasure just a bit too far away to fully share in my world. No less important, maybe even more so, but the miles between us are tangible.
I have made new friends, been given the gift of friendship yet again. I have opened my heart, my past and my future, and shared stories of triumph and struggle. She looked deep into my eyes as I spoke, a broken soul with a history being honest and sincere, and her eyes never left mine, bored into my soul, allowing me to grieve in a safe place. She is my friend, a person with whom I can be me and through it all, it will be okay.
We spoke of our husbands, of my children, of our childhoods and of religion. We talked about spirituality and what it means to us, about simple things like food we eat and clothes we like to wear. We discussed secrets we have been unable to share before in our relationship, our friendship. We reached another level of trust, I allowed her into my safe place inside, and she opened her heart to me.
We grabbed another cocktail concoction, green and blue, snacked on some goodies in bowls on the table, the lights dimmed low and music playing in the background. And we shared this space, these treasured hours in time, deep into the morning hours as we yawned and our eyes became sleepy, and we felt friendship, safety, trust and security. My girlfriend and I, this person I have chosen to allow into my life, this friend I chose to be mine, this person who has become my sister, my family.
I smiled, I laughed and then I cried. And though it all, she was present, and I know she will always be so, a present in my life, my friend.