“The proposed changes would put an end to the autism epidemic,” said Dr. Fred R. Volkmar, director of the Child Study Center at Yale University School of Medicine and an author of the new analysis. “We would nip it in the bud — think of it that way.”
Yup. Since we can’t make those pesky numbers go down as we continue to add those vaccines (hi flu shot to pregnant women, hello Gardasil!), we’ll just change the criteria and voila! No more ridiculous autism numbers climbing every year! We just knocked it back to 1:5000. Guess there isn’t an epidemic after all.
Or wait, try this one on:
Well, we don’t actually want to put any effort into studying things that actually help those with autism so we’ll just make it harder to diagnose people with it. Those crazy moms and dads out there that actually believe they are recovering their kids, well, they never had autism to begin with. See how that works? They actually had Social Communication Disorder. Yeah, we just made that one up for the new DSM, we thought you might like it. *pats themselves on the back* We wanted to make sure we could pull a lot of people out of the autism group and get those numbers down that way, too. Yanno, since we don’t want to do anything and all. Those of you with Asperger’s, good luck getting reevaluated and getting that autism diagnosis and for those with PDD/NOS…you already knew that was the diagnosis stupid doctors gave when they didn’t want to commit to autism because “he’s just a boy, they talk later” or “she’ll catch up with time” or “it’s just a phase” or “autism is not a good diagnosis, you don’t want that and it’ll keep us from having to give you as many services too.“ Yeah, you’ll never get that autism diagnosis.
And now we will have a severity scale so we can tell you exactly how impaired you are because you don’t know any better. So what if you can’t shower without being prompted or feel hunger? We’ll make you write notes to yourself and maybe you’ll remember to read them as they hang on the refrigerator of your, oh wait, we also took away your group home so you don’t have a refrigerator or walls in a dorm room to hang those notes. Sorry! We have to take your aide away too! I hope your parents are alive and able to take you in. Maybe you have an aunt or uncle? Distant cousin? Because you don’t get medicare or disability anymore, either.
See? It’s not really an epidemic! Because we just knocked those numbers back down and it’s all good now. No more autism. Because changing the criteria made them all go away. Poof.
And they call us crazy for doing things like giving them a gluten/casein free diet or some other such off the wall wackiness. Good lord, how could they deprive their kids of Wonder Bread?
How much more, exactly, does the AMA, APA and CDC have to do before people realize we aren’t that crazy?
**Don’t be surprised in a couple years when Social Communication Disorder is miraculously 1:90 with no services available.