Some of my blogs are thought out and seem inspirational or at least revelatory in an instructional way. And then there are days when in the spirit of blogging I just drop out what is on my mind. There are times when things don't go the way that I expect them. Actually, it happens a fair amount. I realized recently, that I have internal Aspie melt-downs (at worst) and at best have little internal pout fests.
I remember I was so frustrated one day that in my mind I dug in my heals, crossed my arms, put on the big angry pout face, and refused to proceed. It was the end of my work day so on the outside I put on my bike riding clothes, got on my bike, and headed for home. For about half the 45 min. trip home I had to keep encouraging myself to pedal. In my mind I could still see the pouting characture of myself, and I could feel it as if I were actually physically hunkered down in the corner of my office refusing to move.
It happens to me a lot on Mondays since the transition from the weekend is difficult. I think the only help for that is to make certain that I establish a routine of thoughtfulness in the morning and in the evening both so that I can take stock of the day before or my day so far, think about what it means to me, and work through any frustrations. Reading the Bible and talking to God is also a crucial part of that "Thoughtfulness Time". I did that about four days out of 7 last week. Well, I at least did it in the mornings. I would read something in the Bible and write a little in my journal, and then get on my bike and ride to work. Usually on my bike ride as I'm quiet and alone with my thoughts, I'll have a few moments when I feel that I connect with God. Today, it was pouring rain and 55 degrees Fahrenheit. I didn't ride in. I should have. Also, my wife was already up and moving about, when normally I'm the first one up. It was confusing so I went back to bed. We can't turn our furnace on yet, so my body was warm, but my head was cold. It was all wrong. So, my day was actually o.k., but the morning threw me out of wack. I'm going to work at promoting morning Thoughtfullness, I'll let you know how it goes. If you ever struggle with this, please leave a comment. If you have questions or comments on almost anything, please leave a comment, and I will respond in the blog. Adam