Thinking about things, I think that burnout has been rotting me from the inside. Ambulance Driver and those of you who suggested that I am depressed may have hit the nail on the head.
I like the idea of my job–the potential to help people and do the right thing and try to improve a few lives, even if temporarily. I like the idea of being able to help someone who needs it. I like the idea of solving problems and curing patients.
The problem is, we do none of these things in practice. Maybe 5 or 10 percent of what I do is indicated. The hospital I work for is insanely “corporate” and so things like patient care are lost to things like having a million committees or firing employees who clock in five minutes late.
I find myself increasingly bitter towards patients who are on my service. This is not their fault, but the fact that they have been ordered on useless or unindicated therapy enrages me, and I find myself being snappy and irritable with them. I despise visitors and want them to leave. I am crotchety with the nurses.
In short: I have a whopping, mega-bad case of burnout. I have been taking it out on people close to me. I have let it interfere with my personal life.
I am going to call out all week for mental health reasons. I need a break, and I think I need to change jobs. I’ll let you know.
Thinking about things, I think that burnout has been rotting me from the inside. Ambulance Driver and those of you who suggested that I am depressed may have hit the nail on the head.
I like the idea of my job–the potential to help people and do the right thing and try to improve a few lives, even if temporarily. I like the idea of being able to help someone who needs it. I like the idea of solving problems and curing patients.
The problem is, we do none of these things in practice. Maybe 5 or 10 percent of what I do is indicated. The hospital I work for is insanely “corporate” and so things like patient care are lost to things like having a million committees or firing employees who clock in five minutes late.
I find myself increasingly bitter towards patients who are on my service. This is not their fault, but the fact that they have been ordered on useless or unindicated therapy enrages me, and I find myself being snappy and irritable with them. I despise visitors and want them to leave. I am crotchety with the nurses.
In short: I have a whopping, mega-bad case of burnout. I have been taking it out on people close to me. I have let it interfere with my personal life.
I am going to call out all week for mental health reasons. I need a break, and I think I need to change jobs. I’ll let you know.