A couple I know just celebrated 40 years of marriage. I've known them for probably half of that time, which is incredibly weird to me. I was a teenager when I first met the husband half; he was once my father's boss. Interestingly enough, as the youngest of their children said tonight, the man's wife was the one who made up the rules in their home. Although the husband was not entirely inclined to follow them, or anyone else's rules.
Tonight I attended a party given by their children, three daughters, who are all lovely, strong women. When the youngest was giving a speech conjecturing about how her parents made it this long, she mentioned reading somewhere about marriage that it was "surrender" and "accepting defeat". Sounded a bit familiar to me, as in recovery-speak. The young woman rejected this theory and believed instead that her parents had made it successfully because they were complimentary opposites and supported the other where they were weak. Knowing the couple as I do, I tend to agree with their daughter. And frankly, this couple is one of the coolest that I know. And I have to say, I am not sure that defeat or surrender is in the vocabulary of either one of these individuals.
I hope it is not a bad portent that the husband ran his boat (lovingly named after his wife) into a rock this afternoon, tearing a large hole in it and causing it to sink. All his kids and grandkids were aboard and they all bailed it out and got ashore safely. And everyone was in good spirits by the party at the end of the day despite having to tow the ship to land.
My parents will also have put together 40 years of marriage come next June. God knows I can't look at their union in the same way I look at the one I saw today. My parents used to be good friends of this couple. Or rather, my father was. And then my mother's mental illness kind of wacked things up. It wasn't anything malicious, really. She just isn't well. I think my father would be sad to know they were not invited to this party; I didn't tell them about it. My parents do not have any friends to speak of.
Somethings to observe and integrate into my thoughts as I try to figure out where I want to see myself in my own future. And the regrets I do not want to surrender to.
My therapist says that marriage can be either a repeat of your past and return to the familiar or, if you get it right, it can be the completion of your adulthood, filling in the gaps of your weaknesses and helping heal what went wrong in the past. But even in the best of marriages, it is a compromise and a moving, live thing, not a stagnant state.
Sounds freaking exhausting to me. And yet, the looks on the faces of the couple tonight... there's much to be said for being part of a team.
A couple I know just celebrated 40 years of marriage. I've known them for probably half of that time, which is incredibly weird to me. I was a teenager when I first met the husband half; he was once my father's boss. Interestingly enough, as the youngest of their children said tonight, the man's wife was the one who made up the rules in their home. Although the husband was not entirely inclined to follow them, or anyone else's rules.
Tonight I attended a party given by their children, three daughters, who are all lovely, strong women. When the youngest was giving a speech conjecturing about how her parents made it this long, she mentioned reading somewhere about marriage that it was "surrender" and "accepting defeat". Sounded a bit familiar to me, as in recovery-speak. The young woman rejected this theory and believed instead that her parents had made it successfully because they were complimentary opposites and supported the other where they were weak. Knowing the couple as I do, I tend to agree with their daughter. And frankly, this couple is one of the coolest that I know. And I have to say, I am not sure that defeat or surrender is in the vocabulary of either one of these individuals.
I hope it is not a bad portent that the husband ran his boat (lovingly named after his wife) into a rock this afternoon, tearing a large hole in it and causing it to sink. All his kids and grandkids were aboard and they all bailed it out and got ashore safely. And everyone was in good spirits by the party at the end of the day despite having to tow the ship to land.
My parents will also have put together 40 years of marriage come next June. God knows I can't look at their union in the same way I look at the one I saw today. My parents used to be good friends of this couple. Or rather, my father was. And then my mother's mental illness kind of wacked things up. It wasn't anything malicious, really. She just isn't well. I think my father would be sad to know they were not invited to this party; I didn't tell them about it. My parents do not have any friends to speak of.
Somethings to observe and integrate into my thoughts as I try to figure out where I want to see myself in my own future. And the regrets I do not want to surrender to.
My therapist says that marriage can be either a repeat of your past and return to the familiar or, if you get it right, it can be the completion of your adulthood, filling in the gaps of your weaknesses and helping heal what went wrong in the past. But even in the best of marriages, it is a compromise and a moving, live thing, not a stagnant state.
Sounds freaking exhausting to me. And yet, the looks on the faces of the couple tonight... there's much to be said for being part of a team.