Learning how not to react

Lately, I've been reading a lot of books about how we can learn to experience our lives from a place of non-reaction rather than reactiveness and anger. I've also been recognizing that many times, our experiences relating to other people have more to do with our own prejudices and predilections than they have to do with others--even when we are coming from a place of blame and defensiveness.

In theory, all of this sounds fine, but in practice, it can be difficult. Case in point--an experience I had today: I live in San Francisco, a fairly tolerant and diverse city. While I was waiting at the bus stop after doing some shopping, a man came up to me and started talking to me. He told me how pretty I was and proceeded to ask if he could take my picture. I said no, because I don't particularly like talking to strangers in public and because I wasn't comfortable with this suggestion, and went back to waiting for the bus. He then launched into a long tirade that quickly degenerated into insults against women and a variety of sexist and racist epithets. He actually even ended his tirade (the bus showed up soon after) by insisting that I was an evil foreigner striving to bring hatred and negativity into his life and the lives of all Americans.

I was so appalled during this entire commentary (as I think others around me were as well) that I didn't even say anything--and yet the guy felt he had my entire personality and motives pegged. Now, I understand that when you deal with ignorant people, you simply can't get caught up with the stuff they spout, because it has more to do with their own anger and frustrations than it has to do with you. All the same, a large part of me felt angry and hurt and upset that a total stranger thought he had the right to talk to me that way. It's over an hour later, and I still find myself getting triggered just in the process of writing the story down.

However, this time around was different because I recognized that my turbulent emotions largely stemmed from the fact that I was coming from a place of reactivity. I had a choice in the matter--to be caught in the downward spiral of this man's hatred, or to understand that he was coming from a place of unconsciousness and not allow myself to take it personally. After all, this wasn't an interaction--the man came up to me with a pre-formulated set of assumptions and ideas about who I was, based on the fact that I gave an "unfavorable" response to his advance.

Like I said, it isn't easy to NOT react to things like sexism and blatant prejudice, but in a way, I'm grateful for having had this experience, because even if I found myself reacting, I think the encounter made me conscious of the ways we can choose not to plug into another person's negativity. It also made me conscious of how, through my words and conduct, I can affect another person in a positive way--rather than throwing the weight of my anger and frustration onto them and unjustifiably making them objects of blame. After all, changing the world can only start when we change ourselves.