OK, the itching is gone. For now. I think I figured out what it was... I have a great article that describes the way the body heals and what to expect as you change your diet. The body heals cyclically, it says, and after making a change in your diet, to organic, for example, you may experience a rash for a few days and then feel much better. Then you will make another change, maybe you start juicing for breakfast and having a bowl of oatmeal instead of your usual bowl of cornflakes and milk. You will start to feel better, then maybe have a day of nausea and fever, then feel better than you have in years. Your body is able to release toxic waste and rebuild cells that were not healthy, now that you are receiving more optimal nutrients. Now, it doesn't happen that quickly, nor are those the only things you would have to change about your diet in order to heal from a serious degenerative disease, but you get my point. I think that my itchy rash may have been simply a symptom of healing; my body was finally able to let go of some toxin it's been holding on to. I am trying to find a way to upload the article because I think it would be really beneficial for anyone who is healing or who is trying to understand changes that a loved one is making in their diet.
Which brings me to my next thought. You know how sometimes in life things keep building and at some point you know you need to do something or it's all going to explode without notice? Well, that happens to me kind of a lot and it happened last weekend again. I had been realizing a few things about how arthritis has complicated the emotional and physical aspects of my life, among the many other realizations over the past decade. So, I was thinking about how my life is a living hell most of the time, I am pretty much on the verge of tears all the time, and I avoid conversation a lot because I am in so much pain that it consumes my mind at times. If they even think about bringing up my health or diet in conversation I get all snappy and defensive and try to end the conversation to save myself from an emotional waterfall. I think I'm trying to protect them from knowing how much pain I'm actually in. Also, I'm just sick of being on a diet where I can only eat vegetables and rice and I'm not feeling great yet. Anyway, I knew it was extremely unfair how I was treating them, but I didn't know what else to do. I'm at my wits end with these detoxes and diets and all I really want is a quick breather, a rest from this chaos on a slippery, algae-covered rock before I'm pulled into the stormy ocean again. Please, a teeny tiny breather is all I'm asking for!
Anyway, after getting back from a concert with my sister (we left early from the concert, because of me and my fevers and aches) last Sunday night, my sister and I talked for a long time on my bed. She told me that it's like walking on eggshells around me. I agree. And she said that they have to completely trust me blindly about me deciding not to take meds because they haven't read the same books as me and learned about how diet effects your body. So, I decided it would be a good idea to pull a few things out of the big pile for her and my mom to read so they may understand why I am so passionate about this and why I am tolerating some symptoms. Anyway, the article that I mentioned above is one of the articles I gave them to read and it did help my mom understand why I am still having some symptoms and why this will be such a long process.
Anyway, for now I'm stuck trying forget about the pain and unquenched appetite for things like coffee and grilled cheese and crabs and fresh tomatoes out of the garden (nice job trying to forget about them robin) and I'm trying to be pleasant and pretend that I'm enjoying myself like everyone else.
I know this is just a tiny weeny part of the complex emotions and relationships with your family and friends that result from a chronic disease, but has anyone else every had similar feelings? I need to be gentle with my family and stay in touch with my friends, but I feel like I'm cracking under the pressure. Why should I have to deal with all this when all I want to do is be packing up my bags and heading back to school like everyone else my age does this time of year?