A chronic disease can really strip you of everything. All you have in the end is yourself - your strength, will power, positive attitude, moodiness, anger, joy, and I suppose it’s that way for everyone but they just haven’t realized it yet. I just caught myself reading a sappy love poem on a blog. I stopped myself after something about the person “standing before the other naked shedding their soul”… bleck! I thought it was going to be about RA or something. The world has too much lame poetry and also too many 9 yr. old girls who want to become poets. Onward: This pic is about my evening. It’s also a fun little good book called Dirty Wow Wow.
Yesterday’s post was emotional and I was terribly upset. This is a quick post to mention that Jax and I’ve made up… he came in the rain and saved me from sulking in the car where I had run to when things got too stressful in our argument (ironic I’m sure). I didn’t go out alone - Nope, I brought my favorite stuffed animal. I must’ve looked ridiculous for anyone that might have xray vision- seeing through my car… sobbing and holding my “dog”. I’m 35 years old ! And I don’t mind admitting I have a carnival of animals here in my house, but running around zipped up in my jacket - that’s how low this disease has taken me… running in the rain with a stuffed dog in my jacket. I was holding onto anything I might possibly have in this life that can not be taken away from me even if I lost everything.
Jax found me shivering cold and snuggling “schmulie” my dog. he asked me to come in and although initially refusing, I came around when he said “let’s go home and have make-up sex”. somehow that was the right statement for this situation. And it was. after limping a bit home - it was perfect and unrehearsed, unthought out, untalked about, totally fun making up with my Jax. - Much Relieved, Sasha