I finished my second round of physical therapy in six months. I made good progress. When lying down, and after she pushes on my legs enough, they can get within 15 degrees of straight.
When I’m sitting and extend my legs outwards, I can get within 25 degrees of straight.
But when Im standing, I’m still stuck at a forty two degree angle.
I know this sounds completely superficial. But what is the point of all this hard work and pain if I still look completely the same?!
All I want-ALL I’m asking for in this life is to have straight knees. I can deal with everything else. I can deal with the pain. I can deal with the limitations, I can be broke and struggle. All I want is straight knees. And two round of physical therapy have not gotten me one degree straighter while I’m standing.
I’m tired of being embarrassed of going in public. I’m tired of everyone I know avoiding even looking at me.
I was so embarrassed to even have my friends over on Christmas. Several of them haven’t seen me since I put on all the weight. They kept looking at me then looking away. Every time I go anywhere people stare at me when I walk.
I just kept telling myself that when I got insurance everything would get better.
And it is. I’m not ignoring all the progress I’ve made. And how much better I feel. And how much less pain I have. But I hate to say this-but Im going to because I want to be honest- but I would give up all the progress to just have straight knees. And maybe that makes me superficial, but I cant help the way I feel. And it’s easy for everyone else to say to me that it doesn’t matter as long as Im feeling better. Because it does matter to me.
I just dont want to look like this for the rest of my life.