Luckily, Jax has moved back in. I can’t tell you how relieved I am. The therapist mostly listened to us talk and asked a few questions (it’s always like that in the first few sessions). One thing she did say is “separation breeds separation - move back in together. It isn’t going to do any good for you to be apart”. THANK YOU!!! I know that’s funny to say because I’m the moron who wrote a letter to Jax last night about how maybe we should think about seeing other people even though I don’t want to). Also, I thought maybe we should not see each other for 30 days or something (I once dated someone who had that nutty idea). I was so relieved that my ideas were wrong and wouldn’t work.
I could hardly get any work done today because I was so anxious about the therapy visit and depressed about Jax being gone. I did get a lot of work done, but i just wasn’t very focused. It would have been better for me to “call in sick”, but I just don’t have that option.
Later that night:
I had to lie down early (11pm) because I’m so dizzy. I’m curious if it’s a side effect of methotrexate. I had a huge wave of nausea while I was talking to Jax tonight. We made a nice big dinner for ourselves. It helped put flour on the chicken. I don’t want to make it sound overly domestic since I was running back and forth between my email and food preparation.
I hoped the kitchen timer would give me 5 extra minutes. Today I was on a roll of responding to old emails. I’m finally feeling strong enough to deal with emails from Aug-Oct. I just got in a rut & couldn’t mentally deal with that time frame of my life. It’s a lot of energy to deal with old emails. Everyday I’ve tried to tackle many more each day with fun little games I try to make out of it. But still, email is the worst best invention of my lifetime.