Well, not actual mountains but the mountains I have climbed have been life changing. I survived yesterday and I made it to the top of that mountain. Now, it is time to make it down. This is just the latest mountain I have climbed and but the many that I have climbed in my life have given me a grateful heart and a humble outlook.
The mountains I climbed in my twenties were the mountains that made me the strong person I am today. While the mountains are always hard to climb, I have gotten more skillful over years and the climbing part has gotten easier. I have also learned that the mountains that are put in front of us are a less in patience and endurance. Some mountains are small and we don’t notice them right way but once we do, they are easy to overcome. However, there are mountains that are so much bigger.
Those bigger mountains can sometimes feel as big as the world or even the universe. Those are the ones to leave us on our knees praying for guidance and even mercy. We often believe that we will never overcome the trials and the pain that those mountains have put in front of us. Coming from someone who fallen and gotten up more times than most people can imagine, I have wanted to stay down and to just cry for at least 75% of those falls. I have wanted to do everything but give up even when giving up felt the only possible option.
The truth is that I have climbed a lot of mountains in my life. The last few years have been one mountain after another. It is funny how these mountains force us to take a look at our lives. We wonder why things are unfair and why our battles are bigger than anyone else’s. We throw pity parties and don’t look at the bigger picture. It is when we actually take the time to look at the bigger picture that we see the lesson learned from the mountains we have climbed. When you are at the top, climbing down is so much easier than the climb up.
As for me, I have had to climb some really steep mountains in my adult life and some due to my own making. Other times, I have made the mistake of putting faith in people who don’t deserve it because I was too stubborn to see that at the time. I have been angry at the world, at specific people, at God, and at life. However, the older I get the more I have learned that fate is in my own hands and God is my friend. I am glad that I have learned this sooner than later.
My brother’s illness and passing away was my wakeup call. I believe that it is possible that even through the pain to find love and joy. When my brother was diagnosed with cancer, everything seemed so unfair. It took me some time to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had time to be with my brother and I had an opportunity to say goodbye. My family learned what family truly meant and we grieved our loss together. The mountains we climb allow to us to see the great blessings in our lives.
The mountains I have climbed have allowed me to open my eyes to the world around me – to see all that I have to be grateful for and to see how truly blessed I am. Those same mountains have given me skills to understand why I must take certain paths in order to arrive to the place that we need to be. I am stronger and wiser because of those paths, valleys and mountains.
I am not saying that I always smile when it is pouring rain on me. I still get angry. I still feel pain and stress. I did for many weeks until yesterday’s event and I survived. Now that I have gotten to the top, I still have to make my way down. There is no parachute or helicopter to make my way down any easier but the worst is over. The rest is just timing.
Having RA and fibro and having lost so much in the past few years, I do sometimes wish that life was easier or that maybe I was someone else – perhaps the person I was before cancer, chronic illness and financial issues became a part of my life. For the most part, however, I understand myself better than I ever have in the past. I understand that climbing these mountains makes me a wiser and stronger person. I remind myself daily that I am setting an example for my children. More than anything, I want to them to see that even the steepest mountain can be climbed and obstacles are merely things that try to keep us from achieving our potential.