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I feel like a swollen blob

Posted Jun 22 2012 12:00am

I know what are thinking – someone else wrote the title for this post. No, it was me.  I cannot describe what I am feeling in any other way. At first, I was thinking “swollen giant,” but I am five foot, 4 inches so that would not really describe me with my symptoms.  June has been that kind of month. The first part of the month it was a flare up, then sinus and ear infections and a urinary tract infection because the joint pain simply wasn’t enough.  What the heck is going on with me? I have done pretty well for nearly a year and now it is like coming on full force.

While I am not playing the “why me” card, I not thrilled with feeling like a swollen blob.  The reason for all the joint pain is because I was on antibiotics and that meant no Humira.  My ankles and knees look like tennis balls and I feel like a really old lady after sitting down for too long. Despite, I am tolerating and I am not letting the pain and all the other issues get to me. I am not sure if it is because the pain is not extreme or if it is because I have gotten stronger at dealing with the pain, but whatever it is, I am holding my own.  But I still feel like a swollen blob of something or the other.  The truth is, they cannot be all good days.

I have learned so many valuable lessons in the past few years and as a result, I know that life is too short. We have to make the best of what we are given and not dwell so much about the things we cannot control. While this month has been pretty tough as far as my health goes, I know that I am going to be okay and that this is merely a setback in my chronic illness journey.  The infections and joint pain are all RA related and I know that and I understand that better days are ahead.  I have always made the choice to see the glass as half full and not half empty and I plan to continue to do so.

Many of you have been loyal to my blog for a quite some time and I am grateful for your loyalty.  In this time, you have seen through tough times and through good times. September marks four years since my RA diagnosis was confirmed and January marks four years since my fibromyalgia diagnosis was confirmed.  In four years, I have evolved in more ways than I ever imagined myself evolving. The weird thing about it all is that looking back, I wasn’t proud of the person I was before. Sure, I miss being more active and not having to deal with pain and fatigue but the person I was before mentally isn’t someone I would be proud of.  I am proud of the person I am today and everyday I find more reason to be proud of that person.

Despite the recent disease setbacks, life’s good and I hope that it continues that way.  If you recall, I had only two resolutions this year – one to get closer to God and the other to focus on my advocacy work. I have worked on both of things and both of these things have allowed me to grow both mentally and emotionally.  I have learned to put my faith in the Almighty and to turn to prayer during tough times. As far as my advocacy work, I am very proud of it and I working towards make it part of my professional life.

Okay so I still feel like a swollen blob between the joint pain, side effects from antibiotics and back to back infections but I am so grateful when I wake up every morning.  I am blessed with an amazing family, great kids whose love makes me whole, work that I enjoy doing, faith in the Almighty and so much more that I find myself grateful for daily.  For me, a day that the sun is shining is a reminder that my life is more than I ever expected.  RA and fibro flare-ups – they are nothing but small setbacks.  This swollen blob has plenty more victories ahead.


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