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Flawless – No, just looking for normalcy!

Posted Nov 10 2010 12:00am
My sister told me last night that my brothers are all intimidated by me.  I thought to myself “WTF?” What is so intimidating about me?  So I asked, and she laughed and told me that I was smart, determined, opinionated, and strive for success at every opportunity while raising two children and living with chronic illness and that is what made me intimidating.  These are things that they are incapable of doing with fewer obstacles so they “think” you’re flawless and that makes them envious.

After that phone call, I got to thinking and I thought about the post from a week ago where I basically showed you a different side of me – a person who doesn’t necessarily have it together but works really hard to make it look that way.  I also grabbed a pen and wrote down some good traits I have and some bad ones.  Here are my two lists.

I (am):

Practical/Realistic

Careful/Cautious

Ambitious

Disciplined

Patient

Reserved

Analytical

Capable of seeking answers to problems as they arise

Capable of handling stressful situations

A boundary pusher even when it might cost me

Hardworking

Capable of admitting when I am wrong

Very passionate

Laugh when I want to cry – might be a bad trait as well

I can be:

Pessimistic

A Grudge Holder

Rigid or Harsh – in particular to myself

Overly controlling of people and certain situations

I have a tendency to settle for less if it makes others happy.

Absolutely Stubborn

Opinionated – this is also a good trait

Because of my good and bad traits,

  • I never lose sight of my goals and I am not a risk taker.  However, I have a tendency to seek approval and I always want harmony even when is unrealistic.
  • I am a dreamer and I am also my biggest critic.
  • I have been known to judge people by first impression or by their flaws and I can be critical of mistakes but I also am capable of admitting that I am wrong.
  • I have a tendency to hide my emotions but they show up when I least expect them to and that is when I see how strong I am. In addition, while I often appear calm and cool, I wrestle with my inner strengths and I question myself often.
  • I can very creative and at the same token, I am a traditional person.  I am grounded and would never wonder away from house to chase wild dreams, but I believe in personal expression and freedom.  I believe that everyone should do what makes them happy even if the cost is that their choices will not be accepted by others in their life.
  • While my brothers may think I am flawless, what they don’t know is that I am human. Moreover, they have been known to be critical of my choices so there is a lot animosity there which I have learned over the years to let go of.  They think that I am in control of every aspect my life, my marriage, my family, my career, my health, etc., but they don’t have a clue.  The older I get to more realize that I am not really striving for perfection, I am striving for normalcy.  I know that my good and bad traits flow together to make me the person that I am, but flawless, I am not.  If people look at me to see me as all together and normal, I will settle for that.

    See, I “like” me, even with all my flaws and imperfections.  That is the Capricorn in me.

    Don’t forget you have until next Monday, November 15 to enter to win The Law of the Garbage Truck .

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