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Enough Already!

Posted Sep 10 2012 12:00am

No pictures, I promise

My health has not changed much since May with infections and flare ups left and right.  This time, it is my big right toe. I injured it simple as that but in my case, it is not that simple. The injury was five days ago and five days ago, the toe is still swollen.  I went into urgent care on Friday and as usual, my blood pressure was elevated but that is an entirely different story and I will get to that eventually.

At urgent care, the nurses take turns telling me it looks like gout and I am saying “No. No, I think I injured it.” The truth is that I am such a klutz that I don’t keep track of all my injuries.  I probably should start taking notes so that I can properly answer the doctors/nurses’ questions. Anyway, back to the story of my poor toe which had ballooned to the size of a golf ball.  It was so bad I could barely put my tennis shoes on and take them off.  I did not want to wear open sandals because the sight of my toe was really ugly.  I wore tennis shoes to work and I had to explain myself and that is another thing that deterred me.

Back to the urgent care part of the story.  At first glance, the doctor also thought it was gout.  However, once he examined at, he told me it was infected and even gave the infection some fancy name that I don’t recall – starts with a “P”. Apparently, when I bumped it, I lost part of the nail and there was an open cut and that led to the infection. Well I take that back, the Humira led to the infection because it suppressed my immune system. 

In the worlds of the urgent care doctor, “We see this in elderly patients,” (I had to chuckle) “and people with compromised and suppressed immune systems.” (Bingo!) Well, actually is it too late to ask for the gout diagnosis.  I will take “gout” for 100, Alex!  I have had it with the infections. I went through this before I was diagnosed with RA but this is getting ridiculous.  I did so well for such a long time and I hate that things are going as they are now.

With a wrapped up toe, a prescription for antibiotics and my dignity still intact, I headed home and laughed and cried about dumb fate.  I spend most of the weekend tending to my big toe and dragging my foot around because the pain radiating into my foot. I have been a good girl and followed the doctor’s instructions but my toe is still swollen and painful. This autoimmune stuff is really getting on my last nerve and I just wish I could be healthy or normal or whatever people who are not sick are.  

And no pictures of the toe for you.  I am disgusted just looking at it. It is not wrapped up today because I would not have been able to put a shoe on if it was.  I also thought about tennis shoes but I didn’t want to explain myself again.  At least, my shoes can be off under my desk and they are slip-offs.   I am wearing nylons so I don’t know what the toe looks like after being stuffed in a shoe whenever I am away from my desk but hopefully, it will not be too bad by evening and I can ice it when I get home.  I want to say I am done venting but I am not. 

Do I Really Have Time?

The reason I go to urgent care instead of my doctor is because I have not seen my primary care doctor in a long time. If I tell you how long, you will lecture me so that is how long.  I have thought about making the doctor who treated me for the medical part of my auto accident my primary but like everything else in my life, it keeps getting put off.  The fact is between my RA and fibro appointments and everything else that entails my life, I don’t really have time to spend any more time at the doctor. My back and neck pain have come so it is back to the chiropractic doctor once a week and in this case, I don’t have a choice.  I suppose that is where the blood pressure issue comes in.  Since that accident last year, my blood pressure seems to stay high.

Blood pressure and pain – it is like a couple of opposites who do not belong together.  I do not care what anyone tells you – opposites do not attract and when they do there is a whole lot of conflict. My health is at stake here and I cannot call and make the time to see a primary care doctor.  That is why when stuff happens, I visit urgent care. Of course, I am smart when comes to kids but I wish to God I was smart enough to prioritize my health.  It really comes down to how much you can actually prioritize.  I already take enough time off to go to the rheumatologist, to other appointments, to be home sick, to take care of my kids when they are sick, and also to take my kids to their appointments.  It is hard being a working mom in the 21st century. The whole idea of the working mom is overrated.  Women entered the workforce but their lives outside the workforce never changed.  That is vent number – I don’t know what number I am up to.

Changes are coming but rather slowly

I mentioned in my last post that a major change is coming into my life and it is one that I did not see coming.  However, there are some hiccups in the road right now and I am working on making sure that this happens and I am making plans towards it as well. To tell you the truth, I am a bit scared. And there is always the possibility that it may not happen but like I said, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure it happens. I am happy and sad at the same time.  I am happy that it is happening but I am sad that it took this long.  I am also sad about how much the time was lost. I am also really excited and nervous at the same time.  In the end, it is what is best for my children and me.

I have had my failures and near misses in my life. I have fallen down more times than I care to count but I have also gotten up. These upcoming changes mean I am getting up again. They mean that I refuse to stay down even in the most adverse situations. Yes, this situation also means that other things in my life will change as well but I am willing to take that risk. I am willing to do what I need to do to be the best at who I am in.  I will tell you about it soon enough and trust me, it is worth the cliffhanger.  Anyway, I just know that I have been prepared for this for a very long time and that is why I know I am making the right choice here.

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