Im going to have to drop my drawing class. Im so crushed. I feel like a part of me just died.
I just keep picturing myself when I was eight years old and drawing Disney characters. I wanted to be an animator when I grew up. And my parents used to tell me I could do anything I set my mind to. As long as I worked hard enough at it…….
I’ve been waiting four years to get back to classes.
But swollen joints, elbow contractures, and shaky hand are not conducive to achieving this particular dream of mine.
I was just so angry at the world today. I usually have a good outlook on life and my illness. But today I’m angry. Today I’m crushed. Today I am so very very tired of dealing with this illness. I cried a lot today.
I feel like I’ve been robbed.
A Dream Deffered: Langston Hughes
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore– And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over– like a syrupy sweet?
Why don't you turn to 100% organic living foods? Buy Ann Wigmore's The Sprouting Book, and look up: http://www.alissacohen.com. You can heal yourself with living foods, but you have to make it your number one priority. Alissa had fibromyalgia and she is completely healed from it. She was a vegetarian and even a vegan, I believe, but it wasn't until she went raw that she healed herself. There is a beautiful and delicious world of healing foods available if you are open to learning about it.
I also recommend taking a 10-day vipassana meditation course to work on letting go of anger and changing the negative habit patterns of your mind to peaceful, happy, equanimous ways of thinking and being. This is the only type of non-sectarian meditation I know of which has been kept pure, i.e. is not taught for any fee, has not been diluted or reduced, and which works. The state of your mind is intimately linked with your physical health, so in order to purify the body, you must also purify the mind. See the website: www.dhamma.org. There is no charge for the course and there are many centers around the world; donations are accepted only after one has sat a course, and this is only according to one's volition and means. When you cultivate a happy, peaceful mind daily, free from fear and anger, everything within as well as around you becomes more harmonious, more balanced.
PS I found an old post of yours which mentioned you were starting to make a raw juice drink with 2 red apples, 2 green apples, spinach, etc. This sounds really great! I'm glad to hear your dad knew about this. I have a recipe for a green drink which sounds very similar to your recipe; it is from the book "Raw Food Made Easy: for 1 or 2 People" by Jennifer Cornbleet. If you're interested, I can send it to you to compare. Also, Alyssa Cohen has a book that looks excellent called "Living on Live Food"; she posted a few recipes from the book online.
I just came across a website on fb where someone was drawing simply from the movement in his eyes; he wore special glasses which picked up the movement. Anyway, I wonder if this is something you could explore to help you follow your dream: http://infosthetics.com/archives/2009/11/eyewriter_graffiti_physically_paralyzed.html
One last thing: here is another raw food website I just found which looks very good: http://bestenergybook.com/