It has been a long week for me. My kids have been sick which means I am working a third job – nursing them back to health. That was hard when I had to nurse myself back to health as well. I had a third epidural steroid injection for my neck. The pain management doctor also told me that it would be the last time for some time and to meet with a neurosurgeon. It is not an idea I am thrilled with and I wish that this was not my last and only option remaining.
Part of being a working mom means making the decision when to let them stay home sick, when not to, and when you have to pass the duty to someone else. I have been passing the duty to someone else and I hate myself for doing. Passing it off means that I don’t stay home with them when they are sick and someone else does. I wish I could but between my own chaos of RA, fibro, neck and back pain, doctor’s appointments, work, etc., I wish there were two of me.
My twelve year old went to school this morning despite the fact that he has been wheezing from an upper respiratory infection. I didn’t force him to go. I told him to stay home but he had a science test and I figured he is better off at school then home alone. He has a follow up appointment with the doctor tomorrow but I am still worried because I am away from him. My three year old spent Monday with his Dad and Tuesday with his grandmother because he was sick and I felt guilty for that. My mom also had to attend a funeral on Tuesday so he ended up with his cousins in the afternoon and I felt guilty for that too. The epidural steroid injection appointment was Wednesday and I could not call off work on either day. I felt guilty again – do you see a pattern? On Wednesday, I sent my three old to day care even though he needed one more day in bed because I could not cancel the injection. I ended up picking him up early though and taking care of him through my own pain. I took the morning off from work yesterday to recuperate from the injection and the earlier part of the week.
You know that I am happy to see Friday. From five o’clock on, I can focus on my kids and getting myself to feeling better as well. Being pain, a lack of sleep, muscle relaxers and pain medications, I can hardly function. I need to rest and I am ready to do that.
This is what my life is like. It is demanding and while I would love to complain, I don’t really have time. After all, this is motherhood in the 21st century. Mothers work and they still have to be mothers. Chronic illness is also a fact of the 21st century and it accompanies parenting and full time employment. In some alternative universe out there, there has to be a better way. But since I watch too much sci-fi, I am sure there isn’t. The idea of a utopian society appeals to me. One that involves happiness and good health. Heck, maybe I could write a proposal to the president or something. Of course, he will think I am asking him to critique a novel which he has no time for and the whole think will be a waste of time. Any suggestions?
Have a great weekend everyone!