I don’t know if anyone reading this blog watches “Brothers and Sisters”. My kids and I are quite addicted to it, and although it is all of the things that I am supposed to hate about TV, and TV drama especially, there is something about this show that keeps us all hooked. My children like to laugh at me and say that I am just like Nora, the mother on the show played by Sally Field. She is what you might call an over-involved mother – she keeps a close eye on all her children (she has 6 I think), interferes dreadfully, but I like to think that she loves them all unconditionally. When the kids laugh at her and say “you’re just like that mum” I do feel a bit defensive I must admit, and find myself saying “but she just loves her kids, what’s wrong with that?”
What I have realised lately is that loving my children goes without saying, but my level of worry about them is something quite different. I want to control any bad things that could possibly occur, and although I am completely aware that to grow and develop they have to experience everything that comes their way, I have realised that this control and worry is not about them it is about me.
I will do anything to stop the anxiety that builds and builds as I ponder and ruminate on the multitude of awful things that could befall them. I have learned that if I try and prevent anything bad happening to them, be it health, driving in cars, emotional entanglements and so on, that my anxiety lessens – but only for a while. There is always something new to worry about. My need to control is not about protecting them, it is about protecting me, and I have realised that I am giving myself all those old messages of “I won’t cope if….”, and teaching them that anxiety is a way of coping, when it’s not. So, it’s time to stop all this. Out come all my old books and bits and pieces that I have collected over the years that have helped in the past. I am revising and relearning (again). I will get plenty of sleep, I will try and float past all these fears, and to realise that a certain amount of trust, self belief and belief in my children will help me get through this.