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Tips of self – contracting for happiness

Posted Oct 03 2009 6:20pm

by Anne on October 3, 2009

in Anxiety, My Thoughts


Consider the areas in your life that you would like to change. Then focus your attention on a specific change and determine whether you would be really committed to that goal.

Write down a specific goal you want to achieve, and then list below it the answers to the following.

  • What I need to do to reach this goal:
  • What unanticipated conflicts might arise which could prevent me from reaching this goal:
  • I would restructure my time by:
  • I would focus my energy by:
  • My motivation to reach this goal is:
  • Therefore, I conclude:

Becoming less sensitive about the insignificant matters or perceived slights in life can occur relatively quickly due to a new decision, or it may be a gradual process. Either way, becoming less sensitive to these things can liberate you to live more fully.

- List those things you are overly sensitive about (such as being evaluated or criticized) or objects or situations you unreasonably fear (such as being alone in your home on a dark night or being physically ill).

- How my life would be different if I weren’t so anxious or afraid:

Now select one of the things you are overly sensitive about or one of the things you fear and design a plan for desensitization. Let the encouraging, loving new Parent you have developed help you plan, so that putting the plan into action will not be too threatening or too hard for you.

- One of my anxieties is:

- What I need to do about it is:

- The time and place to begin is:

- Helpful messages I need from my new inner Parent are:

You know what you want to enhance your life and what you need to do to get it. Now the question is, are you willing to pay the cost?

  1. - One goal I want to reach is:
  2. - Briefly, what I need to do to reach the goal is:
  3. - What I am willing to do is:
  4. - The costs of pursuing this goal are likely to be:
  5. - The costs of not pursuing this goal are likely to be:
  6. - Therefore, I am (willing or not willing) to pursue this goal. (If you are not willing, choose another goal, or revise this one and repeat this drill until you define a life-enhancing goal that you have the motivation to pursue.)

Most people need some form of encouragement from other people when they are in the process of changing. However, be careful of talking about a potential change to someone who will offer inappropriate advice or who will criticize your goals.

  • Name three people you might tell:
  • Anticipate their probable responses:
  • Would their responses help or hinder you:
  • Therefore, I will or won’t tell:

When self-contracting, it is often effective to tell others, whose opinions you respect, about your new commitment. So, ask your emerging new Parent to advise you on whom to tell.

Tagged as: anxieties, anxious, fear, happiness, self-contracting, unreasonably fear

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