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This is getting old!

Posted Aug 04 2010 2:01am

Though I find that the cd's are working, the meds are helping some.  I got to spend anoher horrible night in the ER.  Getting test after test.  And Dr Doogie Howser, and his 10 year old nurse.  It gets frustrating.  My favorite part, them putting the IV in my hand, as if my skin were like an elephant. Yes given I am pretty tall but i have thin slim hands and they used a needle that should have been used on someone much much bigger... (i am including the veins in this)  They tell me again that my potassium very low. ok what is causing it.  oh we dont know?  We are also going to test for blood clot with  CT scan.  Because your lab says that it is possible.  Well the dr failed to read that i was on my mense.  And was all ohhhhh that could be it.  So he wanted to put me on a Potassium IV drip.  so the 10 year old nurse comes in, and starts the process.  NOT THINKING THAT YOU HAVE TO DILUTE IT.. which he didnt, and the pain i cant even begin to explain. It felt like someone was shooting acid through my veins. My arms is still sore.  And then his diagnosis, mild panic attack possibly due to a pinched nerve in my neck!!  FER THA LOVE OF PETE!! 

So after spending a horrible night in the hospital and very little answers.  Oh other than my potassium was the reason my face tingled went numb and my lips were tingling.  And a shot of ativan.  I go home and sleep. And I slept and slept.  Body needed it.  Felt good for the most part of the day went for our nightly 20 min brisk walk. Came back in showered went to sleep. 

Today woke up feeling somewhat ok, ended up having to take an ativan 0.5mg. Took my Klonopin at 8 pm. By 930 had to take another ativan, by 11 had to take another.  BUT... THE BREAK IN THE NEWS!!!  I controlled what was seemingly going to be a bad attack again.  and have appointment with my dr in the morning.  I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF, I REMAIN THINKING POSTIVIE. WHAT EVER HAPPENS, F*CK IT!! I HAVE TAUGHT MYSELF TO SAY THIS.  I ALSO USE AT THE POINT OF IMPACT OF THE ATTACK.. OHHH BOY THE NEXT FEW MINUTES IS NOT GONNA BE FUN. BUT THATS OK.. WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS, i WILL BE JUST FINE!

That is the hardest thing to think of and stick to when every negativity imaginable hits you when you are having and attack.  But like I said i am learning.  And My partner is learning to deal with me as well.  She is my coach, my rock, my back rubber, my postive.  She keeps the postive things being said rolling through my head, and reminds me to just breathe. Deep breaths arent important.. you are breathing.  I also found last night, that crying helps too.  Just say omg this is it, and just burst into tears.  And I cried and cried.  And it calmed me. My breathing was easier, my thoughts were cleared. 

 

I WILL DO THIS!! I WILL ACHEIVE THIS.  BECAUSE I AM A FIGHTER DAMN IT! AND EVERYONE WHO LOVES ME ARE FIGHTERS TOO!! Thank god!

 

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