Actually, it was more like finishing therapy. I and my therapist had been planning to round off our sessions for a few weeks, and this week marked the conclusion of some 30 hours of childhood stories, deep reflections, some freakishly scary moments of telephone training, and even a few laughs.
Was I ready for it? My answer is a large yes. Both the therapy and I have reached a turning point, meaning that I have little more to learn about SA and how to deal with it while my outlook on life is in great form and taking me to new places all the time.
Should I worry about having a relapse? No. That is, I might have a relapse, or even five, but this time I have the tools needed to deal with any situation. I know everything there is to know about defeating Mr. Blue's social anxiety. But that would not be so important had I not also (finally) come to realize that it's all up to me now. The only thing a therapist could do with me at this point is encourage me and help me put sudden, harrowing experiences in perspective. But these are all things I can do myself!
So what did I learn in that brightly-lit room with the soft chairs and the white telephone glaring at me from the desktop by the opposite wall? I'll list some of the key lessons I learned. If you wish me to elaborate on something, don't hesitate to speak up.
1. A discovery of the deeper cause behind my social anxiety.
2. Techniques for boosting my self-esteem and shaping the man I wish to be.
3. A deep understanding of techniques I have taught myself to enforce social anxiety, and knowledge of the many ways to counter these techniques.
5. The knowledge that anxiety has the exact same symptoms as going for a run. What's dangerous about that? Answer: nothing.
Am I going to miss therapy? Most likely. It has been a vital part of my life this past year or so. Bad feelings might surface again, and I might go back to feeling like my life is heading nowhere fast. But when those feelings approach, I will have the tools to counter them and drive them off the battlefield in my mind.
The good forces of my consciousness are marching towards the enemy, waving banners saying "It's all up to Blue" and "Blue has what it takes". It's the damn truth. I have what it takes to take me anywhere I want to, and so has every single person on the planet, equipped from birth with a certain something that, if used properly, will fulfill all their dreams.