This time around on the anxiety rollercoaster, I feel that my spirits are down for the count. I don't feel that determination to fight the battle, but more like I am just chuggin along trying my best to deal with it all. I think this is due to the fact that my hormones are about as far out of whack as they can get these days. Whats happening is in the morning hours when the anxiety is the worst, some pretty scary thoughts enter my head that I can't ignore. Things like, "What if I can't get better and they take me away for losing my mind and I lose my family". Then as morning turns to midday and afternoon and I slowly become myself again, I realize the nonsense of those fears and how I will overcome this again, it will just take some time. But those early morning hours can be scary. I am not myself and my mind is on overdrive.
So I perused the blog under the Motivation label and found a few things that I wrote about a long time ago that were really helpful to hear again today.
First off, a really great quote:
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
And then something from a previous post from almost two years ago that was exactly what I needed to hear today,
It struck me how important that direction was for me in my life. Sometimes it can be so frustrating and exhausting to constantly be worrying or thinking about anxiety and I just want to give up and say, “Well I tried. I guess this is my lot in life and I should just accept my fate.” Or I struggle with “When”. “When will I get over this? When will I not be afraid? When can I be considered cured?” But if there is any lesson to be learned in all of this it is patience. And if I can be patient with my struggles and hurdles, eventually Heavenly Father will give me the success that I so desperately want in my life. He knows better than I do my needs and He will see that I learn whatever it is I need to learn along the way."
So today was a reminder that I don't have to be all better today or tomorrow. I don't have to put that pressure on myself. It was a reminder that the pity parties don't do any good and I need to stop acting like a victim and change my attitude about how I am going to battle this. I need to be patient with the side effects and not let them get the better of me.