“The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7).
Yesterday was a really tough day for me as I explained earlier. At one point of the day I called my sister who lives in Georgia to cry and talk to her since I was feeling down. When I got back from my initial visit with my new counselor, my neighbor stopped me in the driveway to give me a boquet of flowers that someone had delivered. It is a beautiful full boquet of red roses with one white daisy sticking out. The card said, "Be your own kind of beautiful! I love you! -Lisa" Just like the picture shows, I don't have to be one of the roses to have my own unique beauty shine through. It was a good reminder that I shouldn't care where other people think I should be. Its my life and no matter how people think I should behave or look or feel, it doesn't matter. I can't worry or care about the judgments. That is the hardest lesson I will have to learn. I know right now I still do care and thats what spawns my attacks.
It turned the rest of my day around. It was nice to know that I had someone cheering me on and was supporting me not just making progress, but was there to support me when I didn't, when I went backwards.
Today has been rough as well but in a different way. I am back at work and struggling to get through the day with this constant nausea feeling in my stomach. I have no appetite whatsoever but I am not going to push myself cause that will only make things worse. The hardest thing about today is that I am back at square 1. Starting completely over. I can't keep thinking about where I was cause it just gets me down. So what if its 1:40 pm and I have only taken in 269 calories. A few weeks ago I was in the 2550 range at the end of the day and thats how I was gaining weight, but I didn't start there.I thinkI started at 500 originally, and thats when I was feeling good. So I will take it one step at a time, one day at a time, at my own pace. Positive Affirmation Alert: "I can take as small a step forward as I choose. There's no need to push myself." This is the first time in my life where I completely understand that phrase, "One day at a time."