And I will not carry myself down to die. When I go to my grave my head will be high.
Posted Oct 13 2010 12:56am
I've been doing a lot of writing lately. Not here, but in a blog that I share with only myself. After discovering that I had lingual nerve damage I completely shut down. I lost all motivation and I spent my days crying and feeling sorry for myself. It sure didn't help that I was staying up until 3 AM on message boards reading other peoples depressing stories about this injury. After almost 2 weeks of self-pity and shutting myself out from the world, I'm starting to feel like myself again. My nerves are healing, slowly yes, but progress is being made. I've learned quite a few things during this whole process and one of those things is that life is too short to be sitting in house and being afraid all the time. What happened to my nerve was devastating to me, but it could have been a lot worst. In fact, for a lot of people, a damaged lingual nerve would be a lot better than what they're going through. You know, I've spent pretty much my whole life saying "why me?" and the other day my husband made a good point. He told me that things happen to people every day, bad things... things that make people wonder "why them." Well, its because that's just a part of life. Having bad things happen to you is normal. You see someone with a physical or mental disability and you think that's not normal, but it is. Whatever problem you may have is normal and universal. No one is walking around this planet absolutely perfect and if they were, that wouldn't be normal.
I've really developed an appreciation for life. I'm not saying that this experience has healed me from my social anxiety, because it hasn't. However, this experience has shown me that life is too damn short to let this control my life. I went in to get my wisdom teeth pulled and now I could have permanent nerve damage. Anything can happen at any second and completely turn your world around. If it does, I promise you, you will look at your social anxiety and wonder, what the hell was I thinking. Why would I let irrational thoughts keep me from living my life. You only get ONE life, just ONE and once its over, its over. Live your life to the fullest. It doesn't matter how afraid you are, or what people may say about you, because at the end of the day this is your life and you're the one who has to be happy.