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A selection of the things I'm afraid of

Posted Aug 13 2009 7:52pm

My girlfriend's in town. She makes my life worth living. She makes my days brighter, even when the snowstorms turn all the world into gray. No love song can do her justice, nor can I. I am the luckiest. It doesn't matter if her being here makes it hard to find time to blog or not; I certainly feel like I'm spending it well.

I'm halfway through a 4-week seminar for job applicants. I've typed up a good-looking (albeit scrawny) resume, I'm constantly learning new things about the wonderful world of finding a job, and every day for at least two hours I sit in front of a laptop computer feeling capable of fuck all.

I open up a list of new job openings, 90% of which I am not qualified for. The ones I'm left with I deftly overlook, at first not really knowing why. I've yet to apply for anything.

Am I picky about jobs? Hardly. I've spent three summers shoveling rocks, gagging at industrial scents and getting high on paint fumes. Not my kind of work. So what is it?

I'm afraid of getting phone calls about positions I apply for, and messing up the conversation. I'm afraid of going to a job interview. Or rather, failing to go to a job interview. I'm afraid that I won't be qualified for the position. I'm afraid of working around people whose expectations I can't fulfill.

I'm afraid to think that I'm just not competent enough to do anything at all with my life.

So what am I going to do about this? Well, it's like Confucius says: 'Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.'

I'm gonna keep living. I'll keep doing that until I die. Which becomes pretty obvious the more you think about it.

Currently listening to: Foo Fighters - Generator
Currently reading:The Dark Tower II: The Drawing of the Three by Stephen King
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