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Angela E. Gambrel

Midland, Michigan
I am a 45-year-old woman on a journey of recovery from anorexia. I also am: a writer, a graduate student (finally got there!), a wife and mom to my beautiful cat, Aliena, and a very curious person! I write about my recovery from the perspective of someone who developed an eating disorder later in life - at age 41. My blog is at angelaelackey.blogspot.com
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Tumbling Down by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders On Thanksgiving Day, I took a tumble down our staircase and landed headfirst into the wall. I could almost hear Alanis Morrisette in the background singing, "Isn't it ironic?" ... Read on »
Grieving Anorexia by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I have been struggling yet again with my recovery from anorexia for about a month now. The all-encompassing anxiety has made it so hard to eat, and I have dropped a few pounds ... Read on »
Denying Anorexia by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I am denying anorexia nervosa the victory it is trying to claim.  The past month has been one of struggling with rampant anxiety and constant voices in my head first whisperin ... Read on »
In the Borderland of Anorexia Recovery by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I thought anorexia had been torn from me body and soul forever after David left. Now he is back. And so is anorexia. Anorexia nervosa started creeping back a few we ... Read on »
Survivor's guilt (living with anorexia) by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders She was thirty-three years old and died of anorexia. My therapist told me this almost as an aside, near the end of Friday's therapy session. Our talk had centered on who I a ... Read on »
Dear Anorexia . . . by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Dear Anorexia, You made me Sm   al     le       r Shrinking me and my W O R L D. Leaving me with n    o    t    h    i    n   g . . . . . . Inter ... Read on »
Forgiveness, grace and anorexia by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders “Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; ‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.” John Newton, “Amazing Grace” 1779 ... Read on »
De-romanticizing anorexia (Ten Days) by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders "Many miles many roads I have traveled / Fallen down on the way / Many hearts many years have unraveled / Leading up to today." Madonna, "I Deserve It" I sit here and ... Read on »
One week later (what I have learned) by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders It feels like it has been forever. David has been gone for one week. It hurts like hell. I miss him so much . . . I live between hope and despair. Hope that we ... Read on »
Hitting the target (of anorexia) by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders 5 September 2010 My hand pulls back the bow string, the arrow securely attached and my eyes aimed at the round circle in the middle. The circle represents anorexia. I ... Read on »
Alone by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders My husband has left me. Because of my anorexia. Because he couldn't handle it. It was too much for him. I understand. It is too much for me. He said he would consider get ... Read on »
Erasing the stigma of eating disorders by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders What if I had cancer? Or Lou Gehrig's disease? I could have suffered several strokes. Some day I might be unable to walk because of multiple sclerosis. Or my han ... Read on »
Eat to live (defying the illogical voice of anorexia by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Fear Anxiety Eyes wide open But is it enough? The mirror would not lie to me this morning. I was dressed for this hot and humid Michigan weather, wearing a skimp ... Read on »
At the precipice (falling back into the arms of God) by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." (Robert Frost - 1915) Two roads stand before me. ... Read on »
Discovery (anorexia and lost dreams) by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I have thrown away my life. Each day I struggle to get out of bed. I try to find meaning to my life. I wonder why I am here and why I should eat and recover from anorexia ... Read on »
Now is now (The fallout of anorexia nervosa) by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Dialysis Even the word scares me. The thought that I might need dialysis in the future scares me even more. But the functioning level of my kidneys has significantly de ... Read on »
Lessons from anorexia rehab by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders It has been several weeks since I left the River Centre Clinic. I immediately dropped into a deep depression and started restricting the day I returned home. I still strug ... Read on »
Reclaiming my voice by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders How do I distinguish between that inner voice which guides each one of us through life and the eating disorder voice which attempts to lead me down the path of self-destructio ... Read on »
Releasing the weight of anorexia by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Fear Anxiety Depression Self-Hatred . . . Each rock was a strange mixture of velvety softness combined with rough bumps and indentations. I wrote each word — feelin ... Read on »
The Rollercoaster Ride of Anorexia Rehab by Angela E. Gambrel Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Twists and turns. Ups and downs. Mood swings from being so depressed I can barely speak to feeling so restless I can hardly sit still. The inability to settle down long enou ... Read on »