I find that it is easier to write here then to talk to others. I feel like things are becoming more confused and i am not sure wht the hell i am doing. I try to hide moset things and find it is getting harder. I try to remain happy on the outside, but inside is not so anymore. My days are just that days. they mean little, they hold no interest for me. I find being secluded much more frienndly. I feeel like everyone is watching me and not leaving me alone. The other day the shower door and I took a walk out of the shower. it is getting difficult to even take a shower. even worse harder to remember when and if i took one. this is the way life is for me now. I find it hard to enjoy my family and am beginning to drift from them, i wonder if this is the way it is for others, having some trouble finding the keys, fingers keep moombing around. Good thing for the drugs or I would looose it aroung everyone, the anger and distrust level in me is rising. i really am not in control too much anymore, i guess that is ok. the more i leave go of things the easier it seems to be, the less emotional i am and the less my head hurts.