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had it with you....Alzheimer's Aunt

Posted Sep 17 2012 6:52pm
The Rolling Stones have a song called "Had it with You" and that's about how I feel.
I didn't attend a single minute, a single SECOND, of the lawyer's meeting.  She had said she might ask me to print some documents (when she emailed me the day before) but she didn't.  No one thanked me for setting up the elder care lawyer meeting OR for having it at MY house (nearest to AA's hoard but not in it).
As far as I can tell, someone has had to run to AA's house for "emergencies" last Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and today.  Most of the involve her not answering her phone (today's panic) or not being able to find her glasses (yesterday's).  Of course when you get there, she's found the glasses or just forgot to charge the phone.  
I was supposed to take her to another useless doctor appointment (check her blood pressure!  Really, with all that's going on, her BP is the priority?) tomorrow and I casually said, before the lawyer got there, "Can the doctor's appointment on Tuesday get rescheduled so someone else can take her?" and one of my cousins said that was already happening.
Because AA is PISSED at me.  I've got an ATTITUDE, I'm ordering her around, I'm not helping her.
She refused to speak to me when she got there for the meeting.  She didn't thank me afterward.  I was talking to one of my cousins and AA's phone rang.  First she says, "Oh, is that MY phone?" when no one else seems inclined to answer.  Then she starts freaking out, flinging her pocketbook around, wailing, "oh this stupid thing!" and basically acting like a 5-year-old until finally she managed to somehow (I don't know how because getting a cell phone out of a purse is probably at least a 3 person and 20 minute job, right) get out the phone and answer it.  Just then the lawyer arrived.  AA did her patented hand-wave "get away I'm on the phone" at her, and that was when -I- walked away.  Lawyers get paid.  You want to pay them while you gossip on the phone about how horrible your life is being blind and helpless, go right ahead.  I'm not paying the lawyer's bill, am I?
So I don't know and frankly don't care how the meeting turned out.  I heard a bit of talk about another meeting being scheduled for signing paperwork that evidently I'm expected to be at (as a witness, cuz you know she's not giving evil bossy me POA or anything else) but no one bothered to tell me when or where so maybe I'll be busy who knows?  I don't know and I don't care.  And I also don't care if I'm a bitch.
She invited herself to my mom's for dinner last night.  She stunk.  Body odor, putrid breath, dirty clothes.  My mom said today when I talked to her, "you didn't eat much" and I said "because AA smelled so bad!"
Today the alarm bells were ringing because she's not answering her phone.  Yesterday it was lost glasses (oh, I found them) and then a hysterical crying melt-down because no one loves her and cares about/for her. Which is such bullshit.  She's got everyone at her beck and call and she's totally abusing the privilege.  During the lawyer meeting she expected her laundry done (by me)!  I'm a fucking MAID now?  And "here's some bills that need to be mailed" that all need stamps!
Oh but she's SO DEPRESSED (but refuses to take the anti depressant that someone finally figured out she needs) she's BLIND and HELPLESS.  And she's not going to ANY doctor EXCEPT an eye doctor to fix her eyes.  She's not cleaning until her eyes are fixed.  She's doing nothing because she's BLIND.  Except, of course, when she makes comments clearly showing she can see.
Had it, had it, had it, had with you.
UPDATE:  today's emergency was that she tried to move her TV and "in her frustration she unplugged everything in the room." (including, I assume, the house phone) My simple question, "How did that make her cell phone not work?"  "She broke her cell phone."  Now, the other day, she was wailing and crying that everyone who calls on the cell "hangs up" in 4 rings and something about "automatic voice mail" and she doesn't understand voice mail and she can't control her phone so she has to control everyone who calls it (that's her words, not mine:  CONTROL).  We've told her that you only have about 30 seconds to answer the phone and no one is deliberately hanging up on her.  She expects everyone who calls and gets voice mail to simply call back over and over and over until she answers!  Because it's too difficult to carry the phone around or keep track of it (she can't keep track of her glasses, having to know where the phone was too would break her mind entirely apparently) so she locates it by the ring.  And I guess when it stops ringing she wanders off so when it rings again, the cycle starts again.  I, personally, won't call someone who puts that kind of restrictions on me.  I'm not calling 11 hundred times until you have the sense to stand next to the phone or know where it is.
In an aside, I asked one of my cousins for a favor.  I needed help with winterizing my pond.  You'd think, with all I do for AA, someone would throw me a bone.  Nope.  "She's not answering her phone, I have to go there, can't help you. Maybe another day."  Next time you call me, cousin, that's my answer too.  Can't help you today, maybe another time. 
My mom thinks AA is faking it or at least exaggerating whatever she does have in order to get attention.  She is totally spacey and dementia'd out at one moment and then she's looking at a letter tile game and saying "oh, can you use French words?" and spelling things in French. (Blind, what a miracle, huh?)

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