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Feeling Heavy

Posted Jun 18 2008 6:09pm
This week Muddear has been eating less than normal. Both Thursday and Friday nights, she refused to eat dinner and this morning she refused to eat breakfast. I figured we should have a little talk so I could better understand why Muddear was not eating.


"Muddear, why won't you eat?"
"I'm heavy."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm burdened down."
"What's got you down?"
"You know what it is... the death of Walter, my son. When you go through a tragedy like I have you can't eat. You can't understand."
"Muddear, I'm sure it is hard. But you have to take care of yourself. Your other son, Philip, needs you."
"I know, I'm trying."


At first I wondered if Muddear was confused about when Walter died. Of course, she will never completely heal from the death of her son, no parent would. Yet, I found it odd that this week Muddear is grieving, when she has not mentioned Walter's death in months. I'm not sure how to console her. Back in January when Walter initially died, we would talk about his death, especially when I realized that she was confused about how he died. There were times I would hold her hand. As time has passed I became less inclined to talk about Walter's death fearing the impact the discussion might have on her.


I'll have to deal with Muddear's sadness one day at a time and pray that her spirits will be lifted.
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