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Caregiving concerns are ultimately personal concerns

Posted Mar 02 2010 2:13pm
Every 8 seconds another baby boomer turns 50 in America.

Having completed that right of passage myself, it’s not all that painful. After all, 50 is the new 30, right? Just look at all the trends we boomers are bringing to this ripe, middle-age time in life – “cougaring” (the older woman/younger man romance); the increase in marijuana usage in older adults (directly attributed to the aging baby boomer/stoner phenomena), the growth of new businesses started by us “mature” adults, to name just a few examples.

Here’s a more sobering fact: one in three of us “over-50s” will be thrust into caregiving tasks for a parent or spouse, often with no more warning than the ringing of the phone.

We’re pretty well prepared to carry on most of our other aging baby boomer roles, but are we ready for this one?

Do we know what we would want to do, much less what our parents want us to do for them? Will we bring them home to our house if they need care, or will we insist they move to a care facility? Are we prepared to step back into daily communication and decision-making with our siblings, many of whom we no longer share much in common?

Just listen in to the conversations around you next time you’re at a gathering of people in this age group. You’ll hear snippets like these (I’m paraphrasing from a recent gathering I attended)
“My wife’s mom died last summer; we’re still reeling from all of the tasks we need to do for her estate. We never realized what a job this would be. We haven’t been able to travel at all this year.”

“My parents are driving me nuts. I worry about them every day, and they simply refuse to leave their home. Anyone know how on earth I can talk them into moving into an assisted living community?”

“My dad finally agreed to move into a retirement center a couple of months ago. I feel like I have my life back!”

“Margie’s mom is in a hospital bed in our living room. That consumes us physically, emotionally and in every other way. We explored other options, but Margie says, ‘She’s my mom – I need to care for her.’ The whole family, though, is involved; not just Margie. It’s incredibly difficult right now.”

There’s a certain awareness of this impending, life-changing dynamic within many governmental and political circles. Businesses and publications are picking up on the boomer-turning-senior phenomenon.

But, as is typically for us self-focused boomers, we are finding it difficult to prepare on a personal level.

Talking to mom and dad about the future? It’s a tough conversation; I think I’ll wait a bit longer.

Talking to the siblings about planning ahead? We can barely talk about whose turn it is to host Christmas this year, let alone about what we’d do if something happened to mom or dad.

And while we’re delaying these important discussions, the day is looming closer when the phone will ring…and it suddenly becomes personal.
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