My life is kind of like Bugs Bunny having Elmer Fudd chasing after him. I pop up in one place, than another and so on, until I find you. However I cannot dig holes to go into I would wind up falling in them. See this life presents many problems but one has to find the humor in it or just totally give up.
What you need to realize is that there is NO CURE, NO TREATMENT (OF VALUE) AND NO KNOWN CAUSE for these diseases. Yes that is right Virginia, we all DIE from this disease. Life expectancy is about 2 – 10 years from diagnosis, more or less. Remember AD, FTD and other forms of dementia are not forms of MENTAL ILLNESS, they are DISEASES. Our physical brains actually shrink and loose functionality. It is my personal opinion that AD and other forms of dementia are auto immune diseases. I base this on the fact that the body for whatever reason causes the formation of the protein strand that becomes part of the beta amyloid protein, the suspected culprit in this disease. Just a little note these amyloids can cause heart attacks, kidney failure, liver problems, in other words can affect many organs throughout the body besides the brain.
We who suffer from this disease get to meet new people almost daily, even in our own households. Kind of like an EMU, who turns around to look at the same person and sees a new person, a new friend. We get to forget the past gradually, the good stuff to be sure, but also the pain caused by others in our lives and ourselves. We get to forget all the nonsense we were taught. The birds, clouds, trees and such all take on a new meaning in the world we are thrust into.
If you are reading this and saying to yourself, right this guy is ok, I want you to know that spell checker and grammar checker are wonderful. See if I chose not to use them, as I do on my blog, you would need to learn how to Speak Alzheimer’s. My dialect is known as joeneese, yes all my own a mix of various words, utterances, looks and whatever else comes along.
Most people wonder how one handles getting this news. Well let me tell you some go to pieces, some cry, some get angry, some wonder why me, etc. Me I just said thanks now you have confirmed what I have thought for the past 10 years or so. See I suffered from what I now call, DDSS or better known as Depressed Distracted Stress Syndrome. I have found over the years since 2004 that many people with AD went through the same annoying diagnosis when they knew the doctor was off the beam so to speak if not outright crazy. To be validated was a relief to me not a blow to my life. Actually being given this death sentence relieved me of some fears of death. See I never feared dying but I did fear death from a heart attack or that Nano second between life and death as we call it. But suddenly that no longer bothered me it just went the way of a wind storm puff.
I am not a religious person, so let us get that out of the way, but I do believe in one God and Jesus Christ. See I look at myself as a Spiritual Being Having a Human Experience. Let me tell you it has not been fun or comforting, really until now. I know I am leaving here and that is ok now, where I will wind up we will see. I do have places I go to now but I doubt that is where I will end up, although I would not mind.
Some of the humorous things I find is my wife calling me, Joe, Joseph, Joseph where are you, and turn to her and say what rather with a little terseness, see she has called me back from where I was. She asks me who have I been talking to and where was I. By this time I have no idea of what the heck she is talking about, because it is gone from me. She tells me I was sitting there talking and moving my hands and looking out as if I could see who it was. Maybe she should join the conversation, who knows what might take place. Some of our family discussions at the dinner table are just, well right out of a sitcom. For me especially because it does not take long for me to get lost in them and not know what is going on, let alone why I have this plate of stuff in front of me. I even laugh at myself when I fall. Everyone gets so concerned and all I do is lay there and laugh. See I find these things to be funny, why because I am laughing at myself and my own stubbornness’ at times. Like climbing on a ladder, no business being on one, and the next thing I know the ladder went for a walk and I met the floor on my back and head.
Do not get the wrong idea, this world of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia are without a doubt terrifying. Not only to those who take care of us, and we can be a real handful to deal with, but to us that wander in the fog of it. See we not only have to try and live in your reality, but we are forced into a different reality, the World of Dementia. A life of continual forgetfulness and being lost and not knowing where you are one minute to the next. Filled with frustration, aggravation, not being able to do the things you once could. Sitting down to do something and there you sit because you do not have a hint of what it was you were going to do. I had to take a break from this for a couple of hours, because my brain hurt and stopped talking to my hands and I did not know what to write or say. I do know one thing that someday I will be set free from this life of different Joe’s and be just Joe in yet another reality.
God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours! joe
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