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AlisonRising

Beaverton, Oregon
I have struggled with a mood disorder and ADD most of my life. I am an artistic person in constant battle with the conformist values of the world and staying true to myself. The only things that seem to bring me momentary solace are writing, making music, being creative, learning new things, and... Full Bio
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Change by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression Change is coming. I can feel it. I can feel it to my core. And while it scares me, it excites me. I have realized many things about myself, like feeling good is ok. It’s so ... Read on »
I Feel Sick by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I wish I could focus today. I have so much to do and not a thread of discipline to do it. I feel awful and dead and empty. Last week I hung out with people almost every nig ... Read on »
Up and Down and All Around by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I seem to be up again today (steadily rising since yesterday). Don’t know if it’s all the caffeine or the lack of/inability to sleep. But my thoughts they are a-racin ... Read on »
Alone in the Dark by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I really should sleep. I’m tired. But I’m alone. And alone means alone with my thoughts. Alone means no one to answer to, to be accountable to. I have nothing holding ... Read on »
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!! by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression So can anyone tell me, is it common to have hypomania episodes that are only 2 days long? I’ve no spinning, racing thoughts or energy. Now I just feel super anxious l ... Read on »
Agitated Argh Argh Argh by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I’m feeling a little insane right now. Wired. Since yesterday. Hyperfocused during the day yesterday until nightfall. Nightfall brought on racing racing racing and ir ... Read on »
The Accommodator by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression Last therapy session I burst out crying after discussing the things I described in my last post, and my therapist got all sappy with me and said “I appreciate so much ... Read on »
Therapy and Other Thoughts by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I don’t really feel like writing about the therapy session week before last. So I’ll do an abbreviated version. We talked about powerlessness. My therapist asked me “ ... Read on »
Therapy/Meds Update by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression Feeling better today than the last 3 days. Thought I’d write about last week’s therapy session before this week’s coming up. I basically talked about how freaked out ... Read on »
Nothing by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression This feeling of nothingness. Going through the motions. Outside in the beautiful, colorful, flowerful world. But I feel none of it. I gaze at it with a fixed, gray st ... Read on »
Another Catastrophizing Work Rant (Sorry) by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I’m so scared. Should I tell my boss I can’t do it, and risk all the department heads viewing me as a bad employee, getting a bad review or getting fired? Does it really ma ... Read on »
Last Week's Productive Session by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I’m finally posting now about my therapy session last week. There was much to cover, so the depression I’ve been feeling the last week was really keeping me from posting it ... Read on »
Resistance is Futile by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I’ve been trying to write a post about therapy for 3 days now, but the Seroquel is kicking my ass. I slept like a baby last night, but yesterday and this morning I feel lik ... Read on »
Scared Scared Scared by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression WHY AM I STILL WORKING AT MY JOB?!!!! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME?!! I am most definitely insane for staying this long. I am a masochist for subjecting myself ... Read on »
Medication Update by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression Went to the MHNP on Friday…So she’s taking me off the Abilify because it made me roller-coastery and hypomanic (damn, and I was actually getting shit done). So now I get to ... Read on »
The Fallacy of Normal by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression Feeling supremely awful today. Trying to avoid the cryingfits. I wish I knew what the definition of normal is. When I talkto my therapist/pdoc, I know there’s a sta ... Read on »
A Tired Debate by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression So therapy. Well, we started talking about the way I cyclewith work. That I go through these periods where I am fighting and kicking andscreaming about work, and I have no f ... Read on »
Riding the Roller Coaster by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression [EDIT: So I'm a big dumbass...I counted the lamictal pills remaining and realized that I forgot to take the mood stabilizer yesterday, which completely explains the up-ness ... Read on »
Impatient Exhaustion by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression I have so much to say, and no energy to say it. I feel like I’m crawling through a tar pit. No. The wordsdon’t really describe it. Weighted down. Heavy. Slow. Leade ... Read on »
The Med Cycle Begins Again by AlisonRising Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression So yeah, you all know how it works. You go to a therapist.They tell you that you have a mood disorder of some kind, and then they referyou to a psychiatrist (or Mental Healt ... Read on »