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Your Questions About An Alcoholic Wife

Posted Apr 07 2011 3:25pm

Daniel Your Questions About An Alcoholic Wife

Daniel asks…

Is this woman an alcoholic?

This woman I know (the wife of my husbands best friend) drinks every day. She drinks white wine, when I have been with her she drinks at least a bottle of wine, then gets very abusive and aggressive with her husband, usually ruins the evening by shouting abuse and then going to bed. the next morning you see her she acts as though nothing has happened. Never an apology, it’s as though she has never had a drink and cannot remember what she did. Is this alcoholism or embarrassment. So if she doesn’t acknowledge it she doesn’t have to apologise. I’m confused.
The husband buys her the drink because it keeps her sweet! It is clear to me and my husband that she doesn’t love him. It’s sad to watch, all he does it praise her for things she does. He keeps saying bless her and she works hard. I’m afraid if I open my gob and tell him exactly what I think the friendship between him and my hubby may end. She has some hold over him and I don’t know what it is. Below is the answer:

Resize cropped Sarita Uhr 1400x1050 cropped Your Questions About An Alcoholic Wife

The hold you refer to is called “codependence“. It sounds very likely that your husband’s firned is married to an alcoholic. Often when someone is married to an alcoholic spouse, codependent issues are involved. Many times an alcoholic husband or alcoholic wife is very selfish and seeks a mate that is overly generous/”giving”. This is the core dynamic of a codependent relationship. The alcoholic spouse picks a mate who has low self-esteem and therefore “tolerates”addiction. Your husband’s friend may also fear abandonment and rejection which keeps him from leaving his alcoholic spouse. He should go to therapy and deal with this codependent relationship with his alcoholic wife. He should also go to Al-Anon to get ideas how to set boundaries with his alcoholic spouse. His spouse has a serious disease; addiction. She is addicted to alcohol and he is addicted to her.

 

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