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Tonight - A Speakers Meeting & The Noon Day Meeting

Posted Oct 21 2008 12:55am

Al-Anon Speakers Meeting
Tonight was a speaker's meeting. The woman who spoke was super articulate. She told of her qualifier and the hell she went through. She told of drunken binges and blackouts and how she went into isolation and could not and would not even speak. That was 24 years ago.

Tonight she could speak. And she did!

It reminded me of why I am getting my divorce. My qualifier is on the road to self-destruction. I cannot stop her. I got off the railroad tracks and pulled our daughter too.

I wish my in-laws and my soon to be ex-wife's friends could have heard the speaker tonight.

A Noon Day Meeting
I also went to a noon day meeting - this meeting was just as good because it was basically a Step 6 (although I could relate it better to Steps 1,2 and 3) and Let Go and Let God. Several women were there and spoke of their children who were alcoholics. As one woman put it - "If it is your spouse you could leave and divorce - but if it is your son - your only son - what can you do?" she asked.

What can you do indeed? I know what the literature says. I know the "supposed to" thing. But your own child? This has got to be the toughest Let Go and Let God there is.

I pray to and for all the parents out there who have children who are battling this disease. And I hope my daughter will understand one day soon why I am getting the divorce - although she has asked I cannot and have not been truthful with her. I told her, "That is between me and mommy." But I sense she knows. And there is no use telling her why, because she needs to love and respect her mom, and she needs her mom to love and respect her. If I did tell her it would look like I am placing our daughter in the middle of a "who's right and who's wrong" type of deal and everyone would wind up hurt. I do - just hope for -this -that our daughter understands the terribleness of this disease and it runs in families. This is a prayer too that I make every day, and hope she sees why I go to meetings.

This disease really does suck. I've been to two meetings today where the focus was not on me, but on the disease and it reminded me how terrible, cunning and baffling it is.

As the speaker said tonight, "It is cunning,baffling and powerful. And it is patient." Meaning it will out wait you and get you when you least expect it.

But there is hope. As she said, "Once I got out the way and stopped interfering with my husband's drinking, God intervened and he went to AA - that night! And the men took care of him that night - all night. And it began his recovery. And it began mine, as I left him at home by himself, and I went to an Al-Anon meeting.

She also said; "Man takes a drink. Then the drink takes a drink. Then the drink takes the man."

There is hope. More importantly - if you have faith - and work the program - miracles do happen. I can attest to this.

I hope you are well.

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